TV: When life's a pack of pork scratchings

By TERI FITSELL

Thursday nights now require even more true grit when it comes to deciding what to watch from a feast, no less, of decent American programmes. Not only do "da hoods deliver da goods" in The Sopranos, but the sassy comedy Sex and the City is back, followed by the very promising satire Action.

But if it's True Brit you're looking for then TV4's Thursday night marathon of British comedy is the place to be.

The early pickings are not promising - the Cool Britannia part of the evening comes later.

The evening starts with what can only be described as Gruel-ling Britannia in the form of Bob and Margaret (7.30 pm), an animated endurance test about a mild-mannered couple who apologise their way through the day.

The message seems to be that life's nothing so exciting as a bitch but rather a pain to be gently and ineffectually moaned through.

Next up it's a case of Cruel Britannia in the truly wretched Prince Among Men (8 pm), an unfunny sitcom about an ex-soccer player called Gary Prince (warning bells go off when the title itself is a feeble pun).

And then there's Dressing For Breakfast (8.30 pm). Perhaps this is the wannabe Drool Britannia candidate, an English version of Sex and the City (in that its two main female characters talk frankly about sex a lot), but without the sharpness of the American show.

The must-see is The Royle Family (9 pm), a comedy about life in front of the TV which will have you cringing and laughing at the same time.

Most of the action - or lack thereof - takes place in the cramped front room of the Royles, a northern English family who seem to do little else than slouch in front of the telly.

There's gruff dad Jim, who's the least likely to budge from his favourite armchair; none-too-bright mum, who's "dead excited, right" because she's about to start work at the local baker's; younger son Anthony (pronounced Ant-neh by the rest), a much-put-upon teenager who's made to do everything. "Go to the offie [off-licence booze shop] and fetch fags and a packet of pork scratchings will ya Ant-neh?" is a familiar cry.

And finally, Denise, the 20-something, laconic daughter played by Caroline Aherne, alias Mrs Merton.

It was Aherne who came up with the concept for the award-winning Royle Family, and co-wrote it with Craig Cash who also plays Dave, Denise's easy-going fiance.

It's a concept that shouldn't work - very little actually happens ... actually, very little moves - but it does, because everyone knows this family already.

In the first episodes grumpy Jim Royle's main bugbear is the cost of Denise and Dave's upcoming wedding, especially since Dave's family are "paying nowt."

Protests Denise: "Dave's Dad can't afford to pay owt, he's on a disability allowance."

Jim, indignantly: "So, he's contributing bugger all AND he'll get a better parking space."

Royle-ty rules, okay!