TV: The good life - fair dinkum

If he could talk to the animals ... well, you suspect that's the only way life could be better for true-blue Aussie croc-hunter Steve Irwin. FRANCES GRANT talks to a legend.

Say a crocodile is annoying you. It's coming into conflict, mucking with your interests. How do you catch it and remove it from your territory?

As luck would have it, the very man to ask is on the phone. Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter (TV3, 7.30 pm), is out in the Queensland bush spotting wildlife, he has his mobile and he's on the line.

"If only you could see us you'd be stunned, mate," he says. "We're sitting here on these great granite boulders overlooking this gorge, fair smack in the territory of the brush-tailed rock wallaby."

The wallabies are minding their own business and don't need wrestling with. So I ask him for some instructions on how to deal with one of those "rogue" crocs.

Size counts when you're catching crocs. You need to know how long the croc is. The slide and claw marks on the muddy riverbank or in the sand should tell you.

If it's longer than 1.82m (that's 6ft - Irwin doesn't use metrics) you need to set a trap. For this you need a six-tonne nylon mesh net and a piece of meat or a chicken. "Dead of course, even plucked."

"Then it's a waiting game. You just wait until you trap him.

"Once you've trapped him, get a blindfold and a top-jaw rope on, get him back to the four-wheel drive, then remove the croc from the area and relocate him back to an area where he's not going to be in conflict with people anymore.

"If the croc's less than 6ft simply spotlight it at night, get in close enough and then just spear [dive] straight out the front of the dinghy, grab it round the scruff of the neck, tuck its body between your legs, hang on and then just flip it into the boat. [Then get some croc-savvy mates to help you pin it down.] Then remove it. You can't jump on crocs that are any greater than 6ft. Well you can, but you come out looking a little bit worse for wear."

Crocodile Hunter, which Irwin co-presents with his American wife Terri, is watched in more than 130 countries. "That's over 500 million people," he says with awe. "So we're making a difference, mate."

The difference he wants to make is to raise people's awareness about the plight of endangered species and habitats. Irwin, aged 37, reckons he was put on this planet to teach us about conservation.

Dad is a renowned herpetologist who set up Australia Zoo, the wild-life rehabilitation park which is the base for the show. "All I wanted to do was be my dad. He's my hero, my absolute hero, my word."

What about his mum?

"Yeah, exactly. I gotta tell you, mate. My mum - I'll get a tear in a minute, I can't help it when I talk about my mum, I just love my mum so much " - Mum has been a "wildlife rehabilitator" for years.

"Then it's almost uncanny, let's call it fate, that I should marry a wildlife rehabilitator. Terri is just the keenest in the world.

"She was dealing with predatory mammals in Oregon, America, and she's just latched on to the marsupials of Australia with both arms. And now we've got our own little wildlife - Bindi. Yeah, we've got our own little baby girl."

It turns out Irwin has visited New Zealand many times and he's found plenty to enthuse about. "Your Department of Conservation. Oh man, you guys, you have got some of the greatest conservation strategies in the world, some of the best wilderness on the planet. Man, you've got some beautiful animals. I'm very passionate about kiwis and kakapo and - tuatara! One of the most ancient reptiles on our Earth. Crikey."

Irwin's a cracker, all right, and that was a beaut set of croc-catching instructions. As we finish speaking I'm already eyeing up some nuisance crocs - over 6ft or under? - passing by my desk.