KEY POINTS:
This is dedicated to all you sad blokes who are going to be dumped in the first few weeks of the new year.
No way, you think. You had the happiest New Year's Eve - a few beers with your mates, a party with your squeeze, and then shortly before midnight, a race back to your place to pop open the champagne and christen the dawn of the new year with some, ahem, fireworks.
So what could possibly go wrong?
Plenty. You may well turn out to be among the millions each year who fall victim to PHDS, or Post-Holiday Dumping Syndrome.
One person in a relationship (let's say your girlfriend) has decided things aren't working out and wants to end it.
But it's the holidays. So she decides to wait until the middle of January because, a) she doesn't want to cast you into a bottomless pit of depression during the holidays; b) she doesn't want to fall into that same abyss of despair; c) she needed someone to go out with on New Year's Eve.
So you'll probably soon be single again. Maybe not - 'tis the season of hope, after all - but probably. But don't worry, help is at hand.
How about some New Year's resolutions to help you get back on your dating feet, and at the same time treat yourself to a healthy helping of self-improvement? Great idea. Repeat after us:
* I resolve to not fall in love with the first semi-attractive girl I see. Or the second, or third. Falling in lust? Totally fine.
* I resolve to update my wardrobe. Buy one quality piece of clothing a month, not including undies and socks. And no, that doesn't include a new pair of Nike Air Max II basketball shoes.
* I resolve to work on my love handles. That means stop drinking light beer and opt for a heavier microbrew. Feel the burn.
* I resolve to retire the pickup line "That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed." Even if it did almost work once, you think, judging from the way she paused and smiled sweetly just before clocking you with her beer glass.
* I resolve to pay more attention to personal hygiene. Yours, not hers. While it's not necessary to adopt the metrosexual lifestyle of facial masks and manicures, women do appreciate a well-scrubbed dude. So trim back the sprouting hair and clip the finger (and toe) nails. Floss, for godsakes.
* I resolve to not try too hard with the ladies. At least until the end of January or so. By then it will be time to get desperate - because who wants to be alone on Valentine's Day, right?