Some place names have become local legends because they sound kind of dirty. We set out to find every one of those names. Photo / The Spinoff
Some place names have become local legends because they sound kind of dirty. We set out to find every one of those names. Photo / The Spinoff
The New Zealand Geographic Board Gazetteer records every place name you can find on a map in this country, so we went through all 49,370 and wrote down every one that sounded kind of dirty.
Aotearoa New Zealand is a land of incrediblydiverse natural landscapes. Soaring mountains and epic glaciers, gentle streams and powerful rivers. There are also lots of nondescript fields and boring rocks.
At some point, every single place received a name. Some things are named with deep honour and history, some are named by or for the person who found it, and other things were given names with apparently no thought at all.
The New Zealand Geographic Board Gazetteer records every listed place name you can find on a map in this country, from major cities to tiny knolls. Over time, some place names have become local legends because they sound kind of dirty. We set out to find every one of those names.
We chose to do this not because it was easy, but because it might be mildly funny and maybe some very silly people might like to go tramping in these places.
The process was simple: we sat down and read a big long list of all 49,370 names in the gazetteer and wrote down everything slightly dirty. Some are obvious, some are a bit more of a reach and need to be read with the right mix of creativity and immaturity. All of them are real places in New Zealand.
To be included in the The Spinoff’s directory of dirty place names in Aotearoa, the place name must be listed by the New Zealand Geographic Board Gazetteer.
This list does not include te reo Māori names because some concepts of “rudeness” don’t necessarily translate across languages and cultures. This means the list is slightly biased towards the South Island, which has proportionately more English place names.
We’ve also excluded some names that can be read as dirty in only an offensive or demeaning context.
The gazetteer does not use apostrophes even for names that are obviously intended as possessive proper nouns. We’ve added them back in where we felt it was appropriate because we were afraid our subeditor might murder us if we didn’t.
Knobs are abundant and low value. Not every knob made the cut, but there are still lots of knobs.
This work was not supported by the Public Interest Journalism Fund.
Cox's Bay on Auckland's Waitemata Harbour. Photo / Getty Images
The De La Beche Memorial and Malte Brun huts, which no longer exist, were on either side of the Tasman Glacier. Ball Hut is beyond the lower left corner. Photo / mapspast.org.nz
Lastly: An honourable mention to Dirty Island, just offshore from Stewart Island. The Gazetteer lists this important information: “Facetiously named when it became the first landing place of the runholders coming from Halfmoon Bay (Oban) after consuming a hearty breakfast.” Yes, it was named Dirty Island because someone took a dump there once.
