The Sex Files: Five vital elements for a perfect one-night stand

One-night stands are synonymous with inebriation, but they shouldn't be. Photo / Getty Images

Casual sex should be two things: fun and safe. A one-night stand, whereby you get together with someone for a few hot hours and then amicably part ways forever, can be both. But not without a bit of effort.

What does the perfect one-night stand entail? Let's start with understanding and accepting the risks.

If you're worried about contracting STIs, getting pregnant, getting into a dangerous physical situation, sleeping with somebody you'll regret the next day, or other concerns, you're right to be. These are all possibilities in having one-night stands.

Yes, you can do a lot to protect yourself, but you can't trust someone you don't know. It's important to acknowledge this before going ahead with any kind of casual sex, no matter how "nice" or "authentic" your potential one-night stand may appear.

For this reason, the following five things are vital in successful one-night sexual encounters.

1. Liking them

People have sex with those they don't like all the time. Sometimes there isn't even an attraction there and you'll have a one-night stand because you're lonely. This is never a good idea. Successful casual sex can only be had with someone you actually like.

Don't overlook things that would normally bother you (like if they smell, or have made racist jokes here and there). You want to get the most out of your one-night stand and that will involve conversation, too – it's not just about physical attraction.

2. Using protection

This should be an obvious one, but people need reminding. You must absolutely use protection every time you have a one-night stand. Don't take somebody's word for it if they say they're on the pill or PrEP. They might be telling the truth, but they might not.

You don't know them from a bar of soap yet – thinking somebody "looks clean" is not a sufficient safe sex strategy. Condoms are essential and should always be worn, even when one party tells the other they don't need to worry.

3. Someone knowing your whereabouts

One-night stands can easily go awry, especially when they are facilitated via Tinder/Grindr et al. when you haven't met the person in real life. When you have an address, you've got to text a friend so at least one other person knows where you will be.

Too often have friends of mine gone missing for a night, remained incommunicado, and had me scared for their safety until I learned they just embarked on an app-facilitated hook-up and their phone's battery died (as it often will when you do sleepovers at others' houses).

4. Not being drunk

One-night stands are synonymous with inebriation, but they shouldn't be. Besides the bigger issues involving consent, drunk sex isn't all that good. You're never going to have your perfect night if you're five cocktails down. You'll be sloppy.

Good one-night stands are ones you can actually remember, but if you're hammered you won't be able to communicate as well (physically or verbally). Nor will you be able to extract yourself from the situation as easily if something goes wrong, like if they don't respect your limits.

5. Tell them what you want

One-night stands can be less than fulfilling. They don't scratch the itch you thought they would because the sex is bad. The point of casual sex is a no-strings-attached fun time, and in order for this to happen, you have to be direct and honest.

Tell the person you're with what you enjoy. Let them know when something feels pleasurable, and, equally, when something doesn't. Make sure they do the same (and listen to them). When you're there for a good time – not a long time – you can leave your self-consciousness at the door and simply indulge.