NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Lifestyle

The Sex Files: Does it matter if you choose Netflix over sex?

Lee Suckling
By Lee Suckling
Lee Suckling is a Lifestyle columnist for the NZ Herald.·NZ Herald·
26 Mar, 2019 06:00 PM4 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

Instead of making time for sex with our spouses, are we using Netflix as an alternate reality to distract ourselves from our "real" issues? Photo / Getty Images

Instead of making time for sex with our spouses, are we using Netflix as an alternate reality to distract ourselves from our "real" issues? Photo / Getty Images

Like most millennials, I finish my work and household administration each day excited to end it with Netflix. Come 8.30pm every night, there's an elation in collapsing onto the couch with the TV remote in hand, ready to continue whatever cliffhanging story my husband and I are hooked on this week.

One, two, or if we're really naughty – four – episodes later, we drag our lifeless bodies from the living room to the bed and fall asleep within minutes. Netflix is part of my daily wind-down; a way to tell my body and my mind "that's enough for today" and ready myself for a peaceful sleep.

Yet there's a potential negative side-effect to Netflix being an ingrained, even obsessive, part of my routine. Some say I might be having less sex because of it – taking the "chill" in "Netflix and chill" a little too literally.

Controversial author and rabbi Shmuley Boteach visited Australia on a press tour earlier this month and said he blamed Netflix for "the rise of the platonic Western marriage".

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Instead of making time for sex with our spouses, he says, we're using Netflix as an alternate reality to distract ourselves from our "real" issues.

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach blames Netflix for "the rise of the platonic Western marriage". Photo / Getty Images
Rabbi Shmuley Boteach blames Netflix for "the rise of the platonic Western marriage". Photo / Getty Images

I think Boteach is stretching a bit on this one. It seems very simplistic to me to suggest TV is why couples are losing intimacy from their relationships. The argument sounds a bit dated, like something you would have heard in the 1960s with the advent of the colour television. Or in the early 1900s when radios entered every home.

Perhaps some couples are binge-watching Netflix because they don't want to acknowledge or confront their loss of passion. Maybe some do fill up the silence of married life with the latest Riverdale episodes or the new season of Queer Eye.

But all of us? No, I don't think so. I think we deserve a little credit – binge-watching TV is a ridiculously enjoyable pastime and sharing it with others is as legitimate as any other social activity. I see it as a bonding experience; something you want to include your partner in (hence why people get upset if one spouse watches something without the other) and heavily discuss later.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

I do think there's some truth in the idea that as Netflix is such a big part of our lives now, people – myself included – have less time for physical intimacy. Perhaps we are "chilling", in the sedentary sense, more than in a pre-streaming era.

But isn't that the case for everything in our modern lives? If we didn't have to exercise, we'd have more time for sex. If we didn't have to commute or do laundry or participate in social media or see friends, we'd have more time for sex, too.

Life is full of things that could be considered a "distraction" from sex, but that infers that sex is the most important thing on the planet for a couple. Realistically, the most important aspect of being in a relationship is actually verbal communication; something I think is enhanced by Netflix because we have so much to discuss.

My leisure time with my husband is certainly not ALL Netflix and NO chill. We're still talking, laughing, and debating on the daily, and while sex isn't every night, we have no problems with its frequency. Neither of us want to need sex every single day, but we do both want (and, dare I say it, need) our Netflix fix.

Discover more

Lifestyle

Why more and more women are watching gay porn

08 Mar 06:45 PM
Lifestyle

13 things you know when dating a man half your age

06 Mar 08:32 PM
Lifestyle

Raising 'theyby': Parent chooses to keep gender of baby under wraps

06 Mar 11:22 PM
Lifestyle

Comment: There's nothing sexier than dating older women

07 Mar 01:35 AM

It's a balancing act. If you utilise Netflix for enjoyment, to calm you down for the night, as a fun activity you share with your partner, that's great. If you're utilising it in lieu of communication, there's probably no harm in trying life without streaming for a week to see if one app on your screen really is to blame.

Save

    Share this article

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
Lifestyle

What is a 'cortisol cocktail', and can it really help relieve stress?

Lifestyle

'Comparable to therapy': Rich-lister Anna Mowbray quits social media

Premium
Lifestyle

Can ‘reparenting’ yourself make you happier?


Sponsored

Sponsored: Why heat pumps make winter cheaper

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
Premium
What is a 'cortisol cocktail', and can it really help relieve stress?
Lifestyle

What is a 'cortisol cocktail', and can it really help relieve stress?

New York Times: Wellness influencers say the concoction combats 'adrenal fatigue'.

17 Jul 06:00 AM
'Comparable to therapy': Rich-lister Anna Mowbray quits social media
Lifestyle

'Comparable to therapy': Rich-lister Anna Mowbray quits social media

17 Jul 05:00 AM
Premium
Premium
Can ‘reparenting’ yourself make you happier?
Lifestyle

Can ‘reparenting’ yourself make you happier?

17 Jul 01:00 AM


Sponsored: Why heat pumps make winter cheaper
Sponsored

Sponsored: Why heat pumps make winter cheaper

01 Jul 04:58 PM
NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP