This isn't to say that Auckland is an alt-right haven of anti-gay sentiment, but there are parts of the city where I'd fear somewhat for my safety (I count verbal abuse and even judgmental looks as harmful; not all homophobic aggression has to be physical) if I were to hold hands with another man.
With the exception of a select couple of central city suburbs, I don't feel terribly confident being an openly gay person in Auckland.
However in Wellington — no matter the suburb — I feel completely confident holding hands with my husband, day or night, everywhere I go. It seems like a small thing in terms of quality of life for straight people, but for us, it's one of the cornerstones of how accepted we feel by society.
If you're single in Wellington, though, you'll have a tougher time than in Auckland. It's purely because of numbers: the gay community in the capital is mostly made up of university students under the age of 22, or those who have been coupled-up for almost a decade. There are certainly very few single young professional types on the gay scene.
While Auckland doesn't exactly have a plethora of dating options, the city's sheer population allows for many more opportunities. Whether you prefer app-dating on the likes of Tinder or Grindr or making connections with people at various central city hotspots, it's not too difficult to meet other LGBT people that might be your "type".
I'd rate the nightlife scene for gay people in both Auckland and Wellington as "acceptable", yet neither city is really a party town for LGBTs.
Wellington's Cuba Street offers a couple of gay-targeted cocktail bars/pubs (S&Ms being the usual go-to) but any other restaurant or bar on Cuba or surrounds, except for some of the more hedonistic haunts of Courtenay Place, I'd define as "gay friendly". You can eat, drink, and be as colourful and fabulous as you want and nobody really bats an eyelid.
The same goes for Ponsonby Road in Auckland, except the vibe is more upmarket. The bars are fancier, the clientele has more money, and while it can feel a little more intimidating, I feel that's simply the Auckland scene in general.
Auckland has the added bonus of K'Road, the red light district — with its bars, clubs, sex shops and other venues, and more for people of all sexualities.
Family, the most famous gay bar, is fun in a trashy (but good-trashy) way. If you're going out on a Saturday night in the city, it's likely where you'll end up in the end. Wellington has an equivalent dance bar, Ivy, which is smaller but just as entertaining if you're with the right crowd. Either bar, on a quiet night, will leave most LGBT people feeling somewhat disappointed — we're still in teeny tiny New Zealand, after all.
Aside from nightlife and the general ability to be proudly gay in public, there's one more factor of any city's gay scene that's important to assess. The gyms.
While this is a stereotype that I regret to enforce, gyms have been instrumental in launching much of my gay social life. They're a very easy place to meet others and, without the social lubrication of alcohol, a healthy way to meet gay people just like you. It can be as simple as smiling at someone and striking up a conversation over the weights rack: I find everyone at a gym to be pretty approachable.
Moreover, before you accuse me of promoting gyms as where only the fit, tanned, gay Adonis-types congregate, that's a total myth. People of all shapes, sizes, and levels of fitness go to the gym.
My preference for Wellington is naturally because I'm not single, and my immediate concern is not hitting the dance floor and hooking up with new guys. I enjoy partying, though not excessively. I also like the city because it's no pretension about it — the bad weather somehow weeds superficial people out.
Were I to ever recommend somewhere to base yourself if you're a newly-out LGBT person (or foreigner moving to New Zealand), however, I would say Auckland will be a much more successful breeding ground for a happy gay social life. It has its problems, but you probably won't be disappointed, either.
