Gin. Primogeniture. Coutts.
These are just some of the words, I'm guessing, the royal family loves and we, the hoi polloi, never use.
Similarly, the royal family never has to utter "mortgage", "annual leave" and "bin night".
Given how rigorously royal life is governed by a vast battalion of pinstriped functionaries, it is hardly a surprise there are a number of words that are forbidden.
Should you ever find yourself in the presence of the Queen, these are some of the words never to utter on pain of being forced to sit through one of Princess Beatrice's slide shows of her recent smashing trip to Malaga.
WHERE'S THE TOILET?
You're at Buckingham Palace, desperate to pee after 16 cups of tea at one of Her Maj's signature garden parties. The thing you need to ask for is the "loo". According to the Mirror, "toilet" is not used by the royals as it is derived from a French word.
"Pardon" is off limits if you are a HRH. Reportedly, the Windsors and their ilk of landed aristocrats who value good tweed and a well-bred terrier use "sorry" or "sorry, what?" instead.
GET OFF THE COUCH WILLS
There are only sofas in royal palaces, you hear. Couch is a wee bit common, dear.
MAY WE HAVE VIENNETTA FOR DESSERT?
No, the royal family are not animals. They too, I'm sure, crave this particular heavenly treat. Rather, they opt for "pudding" than the decidedly declasse "dessert".
WHAT'S THAT LOVELY PERFUME YOU'RE WEARING CAMILLA?
Firstly, the answer to that question is probably a mixture of Benson and Hedges, Floris bubble bath and wet dog. However, the issue here is "perfume". It would seem "scent" is the preferred nomenclature for nobles.
WE'RE NOT HAVING THE GERMANS AROUND FOR TEA AGAIN ARE WE?
If there is a retinue of gruff Bavarians popping around for roast pheasant in the evening, the meal they are coming for is "supper".
"Dinner" is generally kept for large formal occasions that involve heads of state or visiting monarchs.
GOLLY THAT'S A POSH HAT!
A good fascinator might be many things but you can add "posh" to the list of phrases forbidden inside palace walls, along with "are you sure this tiara wasn't smuggled out of Russia?" and "how many sleeps until Balmoral?"