Sociopathy, or antisocial personality disorder, is thought to affect around 1% of the population. Photo / Getty Images
The term may conjure up mental images of serial killers and remorseless chief executives, but the reality is much more complex.
Think sociopath and you’ll probably conjure up a mental image of Patrick Bateman in American Psycho, or serial killer Ted Bundy, or even Jeffrey Skilling, the chief executive of Enron who manipulated one of the biggest corporate fraud scandals in America and notoriously showed no remorse during his trial (and conviction) in 2006.
But the bigger picture is complex. The term “sociopath”, while often used in the vernacular, is not recognised as a diagnostic label by the ICD-11 (International Classification of Diseases 11th Revision), published by the World Health Organisation. It describes sociopathic traits as dissocial personality disorder. In psychology circles, it is also referred to as antisocial personality disorder (ASPD).
Psychopathic traits also sit under this umbrella, and while they share similarities, psychopathy tends to play out in more severe actions and has a stronger genetic link. The NHS states: “Antisocial personality disorder is a particularly challenging type of personality disorder characterised by impulsive, irresponsible and often criminal behaviour.”
For those living with this condition, or others in relationships with them, the long-term outcome can feel bleak. Studies indicate that around 1% of the UK population meets the criteria for ASPD and it is more prevalent in men (up to 4% of all males). Even more disturbing is that 50-80% of male prisoners show ASPD characteristics, as do a high number of chief executives in business.
Yet experts agree that sociopathy sits on a spectrum. Patric Gagne, an author and therapist, calls herself a “21st-century sociopath”. She is a well-known advocate for those suffering from ASPD, with a PhD in clinical psychology. “I am a mother and a wife, therapist, member of a country club and well-liked – yet also ‘mostly immune to remorse and grief’,” she says, adding that, contrary to society’s expectations, “You can be a sociopath and have a healthy relationship. You can be a sociopath and be educated.”
Experts also believe that if a person is willing to recognise and understand their behaviour and work towards change, they have the chance of living a socially adaptive and meaningful life. Here are the typical tendencies of sociopaths to look out for…
A sociopath is often thinking: “How can I work this opportunity for personal gain?” So, while they might present themselves as an affable raconteur, there is little sincerity in the seemingly charming words that fall from their mouth.
Sumeet Grover, a British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy-registered psychotherapist, says: “Pulling you into their world gives them power and a sense of grandiosity. And it deflects what is really going on for them internally. Their sense of self – who I am as a person – is fragmented and so they don’t feel in the same way as most people. They can be very charming, believable and relatable, while often lacking in a felt sense of empathy or remorse.”
Grover goes on to explain that while the exact cause of ASPD, particularly sociopathy, isn’t known, it is believed that genetics and environmental factors, including parenting styles, abuse and neglect, play a role. “Specific behavioural traits can be seen in children as young as seven and this is called ‘conduct disorder’.
“This might be when a young person has a history of being cruel to animals or vulnerable people, destructive at school or consistently involved in arson or theft. Research suggests that 40% of males and 25% of females with conduct disorder are likely to be diagnosed with ASPD in adulthood.”
It’s two fingers up to anyone who tries to tell them what to do or stands in the way of their success. Sociopaths are masters of deceit and would rather suffer potential legal action than abide by the rules. Often they act irresponsibly without feelings of culpability, remorse or guilt.
Because ASPD sits on a spectrum, some sufferers might commit monstrous acts, while others with low-level traits may veer more towards petty crimes like not paying overdue fines or shoplifting and, upon reflection, experience shame for their misdemeanours.
Dr Lisa Orban, a clinical psychologist, believes these offenders could benefit from talking therapies such as cognitive behavioural therapy to manage compulsions and harmful thoughts, or acceptance and commitment therapy, which focuses on handling unhelpful beliefs and feelings so they don’t control someone’s life.
She stresses: “The success of these treatments is dependent on the person’s awareness of their actions and a commitment to behavioural change.”
While sociopaths can feel automatic emotions like anger, fear and sadness, it’s more difficult for them to experience and understand learnt emotions like guilt, shame, affection and, particularly, empathy. Internally, they tend to believe everyone else on the planet is a loser, but externally they exploit their manipulative charm and lack of social anxiety to snare others.
Their ability to “mirror” the more positive behaviour of those around them reaps the attention (and adoration) they crave. But when it comes to building more lasting and loving connections, their “performance” is revealed as being void of genuine feeling.
Dr Tharaka Gunarathne, a clinical psychiatrist, adds: “Someone with ASPD may form attachments, but these are often shallow and driven by personal gain rather than mutual care. The kind of love rooted in empathy, vulnerability and emotional reciprocity is typically impaired.
“This relates in part to how their brain is wired. The amygdala – which helps us read emotional cues – often shows reduced activity in people with ASPD, and its communication with the prefrontal cortex (our brain’s control centre which helps us with moral judgment and long-term thinking) is often disrupted. So, while they might mimic the behaviours of love, the emotional depth behind those behaviours is usually limited.”
Studies show that because sociopaths have reduced amygdala activity in the brain, they often underestimate risk and experience a delayed response to fear. Danger becomes a means to feeling alive or empowered.
In her memoir, Sociopath, Gagne writes about the risky behaviour she has displayed over the years: stealing cars and cruising around the late-night streets of Los Angeles, breaking into homes, attending the funerals of strangers…
Her belief is that sociopaths find it impossible to feel in the same way as most people. Instead, they can experience apathy, or a lack of feeling, which can be a driver for certain destructive actions. In the book, Gagne’s therapist explains: “It is this lack of feeling, many researchers believe, that causes them (sociopaths) to behave aggressively and destructively. The sociopath’s subconscious desire to feel is what forces him to act out.”
Gagne adds: “I was starting to understand why doing bad things made me feel… something. However brief, it connected me to the way I imagined everyone else felt all the time… And we weren’t ‘bad’ or ‘evil’ or ‘crazy’, we just had a harder time with feelings. We acted out to fill a void.”
Very little escapes the laser focus of a sociopath. Their drive for control and power can trump any interest for a deep connection or intimate partnership. They often seek to dominate and dictate the situation and mood, with little or no concern for your needs or desires.
It’s not uncommon for a sociopath to engage in obsessive behaviour, even stalking someone who piques their curiosity. In extreme cases, their compulsion to control can turn into aggression and maybe violence. Dr Gunarathne acknowledges that those who are low on the spectrum may have more success with relationships, but he suggests: “If you’re with someone who fits this pattern, setting firm, non-negotiable boundaries in your own mind is essential.
“Don’t get drawn into trying to ‘fix’ them – instead, focus on what you can control: your response, your limits and your network of friends who will support you. Seek professional advice if needed. Charm and confidence can be persuasive, but if the emotional cost to you is high, it’s a sign to step back and reflect.”
To be able to apologise, or learn from mistakes, a person needs to care about the impact of their actions. Sociopaths might say sorry – especially if it serves a purpose or garners trust – but do they genuinely mean it? It’s more likely they will see apologising as a sign of cowering down or a threat to their supremacy. They are more likely to push the blame on to others, making them believe everything is their fault.
Dr Orban adds: “Even though someone with ASPD may not feel remorse, they can still recognise right from wrong and read the reactions of others. Skills-based training that incorporates emotional intelligence, for example, can help improve social awareness, self-regulation and relationship management, even if the capacity for empathy is limited.”
There is no one a sociopath likes better than number one. They consider themselves to be the top dog who exists in a dog-eat-dog environment and, when necessary, they will obliterate everyone else to achieve their goals. And if that means twisting the truth in their favour, the facts will rapidly become blurred.
Partners of sociopaths often confide they believe they are going mad because a sociopath has manipulated the truth to such extremes, they can’t decipher what’s real anymore. Dr Ute Liersch, a counselling psychologist at The Soke, a private mental healthcare centre in London, works with women who are trying to leave such toxic relationships.
“It is far from simple,” she says. “Often they are undergoing the most brutal of divorces. And a manipulative person with ASPD will use their skills to get exactly what they want.
“Not only are these women doubting their experience, there is research data showing that when we live with a controlling partner, our brain function changes in the same way as if we were taking drugs. We can become addicted to that person, which makes it extremely hard to leave them. I see women managing excruciating symptoms of withdrawal. It can be a painful and debilitating separation.”