After a 64-year-old 50 Cent fan went viral, ageing has never looked so different for so many. Photo / Getty Images
After a 64-year-old 50 Cent fan went viral, ageing has never looked so different for so many. Photo / Getty Images
OPINION
This week’s reminder that age is not what it used to be comes courtesy of Mary Jane Farquharson who was filmed dancing at a gig in Birmingham given by New York rapper 50 Cent. The video of the 64-year-old fan, who has white hair and spectacles, wasshared by the rapper with his 12 million followers along with the words “the coolest person at my show tonight by far” and has since been viewed thousands of times.
Depending on your age, you will either view Farquharson as a Cool Old Granny, a Typical Boomer, or a not that Fit Midlifer. Farquharson herself has objected to being described as “old” by people online, which makes her a Typical Boomer (see below).
So at the risk of upsetting older readers (whatever that means), here are the Seven New Ages of Old.
Ah, the midlife word – which emerged some years ago when middle-aged people decided “middle-aged” sounded horrible and certainly not appropriate for those wearing a smaller jeans size than the one they were wearing at 30.
Fit Midlifers are anywhere on the spectrum from astonishingly fit for their age to just fit, and they range in age from 45 to about 80. How can this be? Well, it’s mainly down to self-delusion, but also the weird non-ageing thing that has happened to certain celebrities.
If you found yourself watching Paul McCartney introducing the new Beatles track on television the other night, you may also have found yourself saying “Paul’s starting to look a bit old, isn’t he?” Bearing in mind Paul is 81, this makes you a Fit Midlifer, because your daughter is thinking ‘Duh so old’.
Catherine, Princess of Wales, meet Paul McCartney and his wife Nancy Shevell during the reopening of the National Portrait Gallery on June 20, 2023 in London, England. Photo / Getty Images
Typical Boomer
Typical boomers (aged between 57 and 75) are not necessarily fit at all, they don’t look any different to their parents at the same age (key difference between them and Fit Midlifers who may look like a different species) but still they don’t think of themselves as getting older.
Typical life stages, such as having trouble getting over a gate, finding you have to roll out of bed rather than leap out, avoiding spicy food in the evening and becoming a bit of a bird bore, all indicate advancing years. Boomers, though, think that because they own some trainers, eat cous cous, have heard of Topboy and still go to concerts (albeit not often 50 Cent), they are bucking the trend.
Trad Oldster
The TO is perfectly relaxed about ageing, has zero interest in getting ripped or even dying their hair. In fact they’re extremely grateful to be left on the sofa with the whippet and Antiques Roadshow. Rather than longing to be able to powder-ski one last time, they’re fully embracing that thing that does still happen – retirement.
The reckless oldster is the same, sort of, but drinks more.
Reckless Oldster
Same, sort of, but drinks more. Blows all their cash on gadgets and unwise projects, keeps odd hours, and proudly never looks after their health.
Cool Old Granny/Grandpa
Naturally Cool Old Grannies would balk at this description. But there are still people – namely anyone under 35 – who will take one look at Goldie Hawn/Mick Jagger and think not Fantastic For Their Age but Cool Old Granny/ Grandpa. Much the same way as when we were younger and looked at Joan Rivers, we didn’t think “How has she beaten the ageing process?” but “Eew old lady with a tight face.” That much does not change.
Naturally Cool Old Grannies would balk at this description. Photo / 123rf
Ongoing MLC
The big midlife crisis that hits mid-40s is ongoing and the chances are it won’t settle until they’re through their 70s. Who is an OMLC? All those men who are still having babies in their 80s. All those women who look like they’re storing nuts in their cheeks.
Properly Old
In 2023, properly old, if you are in any of the above categories, is Major Tom old. We’re calling it at 90, if we must.
