How do you prepare your kids for heading off to school, high school and university? Photo / Getty Images
Is your child ready for school, high school, uni and beyond? Here are the key skills they should have hit by milestone ages.
Any anxiety-riddled new parent knows the obsession that comes with developmental milestones and your precious wee bundle hitting them.
First, it’s the hours of tummy time so your baby can hold their head up on their own and you no longer have to grasp it like it’s the prize-winning apple. Then comes rolling, crawling, walking and the baby-proofing that follows where you inevitably remove anything remotely precious out of reach.
But as your little one’s independence grows, and they become less helpless, tracking those milestones slips to the back of your mind. The mispronounced words like “smooky” instead of “spooky” slowly disappear. They begin to pick their own outfits – a fleece dinosaur onesie in January feels right - and suddenly their dislike of authority becomes so strong that you are pretty sure you are on the cover of their Burn Book.
So, when my nearly 5-year-old son was recently called in for his final Plunket visit – the B4 School Check – panic struck. Had he been meeting his milestones? Did he have the essential skills to survive school and how on earth could I measure what success was when I had spent the last four years predominantly just trying to keep us both alive?
Thankfully, the visit revealed his basic rationale was rock solid – if he gets hot at school, he settled on taking his jumper off, instead of his first suggestion to go and find a fan. His communication was good and he was able to problem solve when asked tricky questions, such as why the assessor couldn’t borrow his lizard Jibbitz-covered Crocs because “them is too tiny for you”.
He also knew who to ask for help and who “safe” people were. He could identify and write his own name and most importantly he could declare with great authority that he did not want the herbivore dinosaur sticker on his B4 School certificate, he wanted the carnivore.
Of course, every child develops at their own pace, especially neurodiverse children - and there is no “right” or “wrong” when it comes to learning, but what basic skills should our children have at each core age?
We spoke to several experts on what they advise kids should know at 1, 5, 13 and 18
Plunket’s Tāmaki Makaurau B4 School Checks co-ordinator Debbie Bailey says it’s important for parents to remember that development is “non-linear”.
“Some kids will achieve things sooner than others. So, by 1, you’d expect them to be able to sit up and crawl. Most kids sit up by 6 months, crawl by 9 months, walk by 1. However, there’s a huge range of ‘normal’ around that,” she tells the NZ Herald.
“I would expect to see kids at 1 moving in some way, some meaningful movement towards things, making noises that sound like they’re heading towards speech. They should definitely be on solids by then, as far as nutrition goes, and moving towards chunkier solids and things they can pick up in their hand and feed themselves.”
By the age of 1, a child should be interacting with their caregivers in some way and knowing who they feel comfortable with, Bailey says.
However, she’s quick to add, “I never want to say to someone, ‘your child will be doing this by this age’. We know some kids are a bit later to crawl, to walk, to move, to talk – some kids are talking in sentences by 18 months and other kids, they’ve got one word at that stage, and they can both be within the normal range.”
Parenting Place parent coach manager Kristin Ward agrees, explaining that “all infants reach milestones at different ages”.
“Milestone deadlines can cause anxiety in parents and actually children usually reach milestones at their own pace,” she tells the NZ Herald.
“Physical milestones are not enormously within parental control, however, parents are encouraged to focus on being loving, responsive caregivers, which gives children an optimal environment to support their development.”
Turning 5 means your child is probably heading to school, though in New Zealand, they’re not legally required to go until they’re 6. So, what are the questions to ask before you pack them a lunchbox and wave them goodbye?
“Can they go to the toilet by themselves and wash their hands? Can they get their shoes on and off? Can they get their jumper on and off?” Bailey asks.
“Can they go to a grown-up and say, ‘Something’s happened and I’m feeling really angry or really sad’, that awareness of emotions?”
Bailey also recommends getting your child to practise opening a lunchbox and snacks before starting school, if they haven’t already mastered it.
As for comprehension skills, “it’s nice if they recognise their name, simply because when you start school, everything gets labelled”.
“If they can hold a pencil and make marks on paper, great. We’d like them to be able to count, do shapes, do colours and numbers. And we certainly talk to parents about ways they can make it fun to learn all these sorts of things.”
Knowing these things will come in handy, but as Bailey notes, “the academic stuff will come at school”.
“They don’t need to be able to count to 100 or count backwards from 10 or write however many words, so there’s no pressure to do that. Kids learn through play at this age, at the age of 4, and it’s really important to make things fun.”
Ward also recommends getting your child used to wearing a uniform if that’s what their school requires.
She also suggests setting up a playdate with another child starting at the same school “so they feel like they have at least one friend there”.
“These things help a child feel less bewildered and more like – ‘Oh yeah! I knew it would be like that!’”
Bailey recommends getting the 45-minute B4 School Check done closer to the age of 4, so you can get additional support for your child if they need it, noting there are “massive” waiting lists for speech therapists and early intervention teachers.
“We want the kids to start school on as level a playing field as we can,” she says, adding that it’s not a “pass-fail” process. “It should be fun for the kids, it shouldn’t be daunting.”
The process includes checking kids’ teeth and making sure they’re signed up to a dental service, and linked with vision or hearing checks if needed. Nurses will check your child’s growth, height and weight and chat about nutrition, sleep, screen time, toileting and behaviour.
By high school, children start to become more independent.
“Students need to be self-managing in so many different ways by this age,” Ward explains.
“For example, tasks such as getting out of bed on time in the mornings and making their own lunch, managing to stay up to date with what is happening in and around school, like sports practices, school activities, homework requirements, remembering to charge their device nightly, keeping track of their timetable.”
It can also involve some more complicated social dynamics as friendships develop and change.
“You also want to be having lots of conversations with your teen about how they think they would handle hypothetical social situations,” Ward notes, suggesting you ask them, ”How do you think you would handle it if your friends offered you a vape?”
“How do you reckon you could handle it, if there was a ‘class chat’ that was getting really nasty about someone?”
It’s important for parents to let their high school-aged kids know they can ask for advice and support.
“Any ways parents can support their child to have a healthy social life is a big help.”
By 18, most young people are getting ready to leave the nest and take care of themselves - at this age, parents can help them develop that independence gradually.
“This might look like encouraging them into a part-time job, helping them to get their driver’s licence, getting them to handle their own bills - cell phone bills for example - and allowing space for them to make their own decisions,” Ward suggests.
While they probably spend less time at home at this age, you can encourage them to be respectful and keep you in the loop regarding their whereabouts and plans for the day.
The final year of school can be daunting as teens figure out what they want to do with their lives, whether they want to head off on an OE, go straight into a job, or go to university.
“Teens often do want support as they work out what they are going to do after school, and we can share our observations with our children about what they seem to enjoy, what areas they have natural talent in,” Ward advises.
Jenni Mortimer is the New Zealand Herald’s lifestyle and travel editor (audience). Jenni started at the Herald in 2017 and previously worked as an education publication editor. She’s also a country music enthusiast, always has at least one tropical holiday booked and is mum to a well-travelled 4-year-old son.
Bethany Reitsma is an Auckland-based journalist covering lifestyle and entertainment stories who joined the Herald in 2019. She specialises in telling Kiwis’ real-life stories, money-saving hacks and anything even remotely related to coffee.
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