We’re often praised for our resilience, but there’s a shadow side to always “powering through“.
We’re often praised for our resilience, but there’s a shadow side to always “powering through“.
We’re often praised for our resilience, but there’s a shadow side to always “just getting on with it“, writes wellbeing coach Nikki Silvester.
We love to celebrate resilience. It’s the word we use to describe people who can handle anything – the ones who keep going, keep smiling, andhold everything together no matter what life throws their way.
But here’s the truth: even the strongest people reach their limit.
Somewhere along the way, resilience stopped meaning recovery and started meaning endurance. We began to see pushing through as the gold standard of strength – and resting, slowing down, or asking for help as weakness.
The danger is that when we wear resilience like armour, we stop noticing the toll it takes. We become so focused on staying strong that we forget to stay well.
We all know what it feels like to keep going when we’re tired. Maybe it’s staying late at work, holding things together for your family, or showing up for others even when you’ve got nothing left to give.
And we tell ourselves: “It’s just a busy season. It’ll ease up soon.” But then another wave of life hits – and we push through again.
That pattern becomes so familiar that it starts to feel normal. Until one day, you wake up and realise you’ve been running on empty for months. You’re still doing everything – but nothing feels like you.
That’s the shadow side of resilience. It’s not that resilience is bad – it’s that it was never meant to replace rest.
True strength isn’t found in how much you can endure; it’s found in how kindly you can treat yourself along the way.
Wellbeing coach Nikki Silvester says the danger with resilience is that when we are focused on staying strong, can forget to stay well. Photo / Supplied
The cost of constantly powering through
When we live in “push mode,” something starts to slip — our energy, our patience, our joy. We stop noticing small moments because we’re too busy surviving big ones.
And it’s not just about work. It’s about the parent who never takes a day for themselves. The partner who’s always “fine”. The friend who listens to everyone else’s problems but never shares their own.
Sometimes resilience looks like holding your breath – waiting for the right time to exhale, but that time never comes.
We tell ourselves we’re doing what needs to be done – but over time, it erodes us. It dulls our edges and drains the colour out of our days.
When we redefine strength this way, we give others permission to do the same. We create space for honesty, connection and renewal.
And that’s the kind of resilience that actually lasts – the kind that doesn’t just help us survive, but allows us to grow, connect and thrive.
How to build real, sustainable resilience
Here are a few gentle ways to protect your energy and rebuild strength that lasts:
1. Rest before you break. Don’t wait for burnout to force you to stop. Build recovery into your routine – even small pauses count.
2. Ask for help early. Strength isn’t doing it all alone. It’s knowing when you can’t – and reaching out anyway.
3. Set boundaries that protect your peace. Whether it’s switching off your phone, saying no to an extra project, or carving out quiet time, boundaries are self-respect in action.
4. Be honest with yourself. Swap “I’m fine” for “I’m stretched” or “I need rest” – and honour that truth.
5. Celebrate recovery, not just productivity. You don’t have to earn your rest. Rest is what makes progress possible.
6. Fill your own cup daily. Even a short walk, laughter with a friend, or time doing something you love can refill your energy reserves more than you think.
A new definition of resilience
The strongest people aren’t the ones who never fall apart – they’re the ones who know when to stop, reset, and start again.
Because resilience isn’t about powering through every storm. It’s about learning when to seek shelter, when to rest, and when to rebuild stronger than before.
So if you’re tired, it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human – and that’s where real resilience begins.
Maybe the next time someone calls you strong, you can smile and say: “Yes – but I’ve also learned when to stop.”
Nikki Silvester is a wellbeing and leadership coach and founder of Rocket Develops. She shares tools and strategies on Instagram at @nikkola_silvester
