Most of us have heard the chat, men don't like women who have slept with lots of men, and women cannot have a sex life the same way a man does.
Why? because it's just "different".
It started when we were in high school and everyone found out Sarah had slept with two people by the time she was 17 years old. She was quickly labelled a s**t. But Jack? He had slept with three chicks and he was a legend.
It continued into the horny talking stages we had in our early twenties. The one question that was always, without fail, a part of the conversation, "how many people have you slept with?" If you said too many you would be ghosted, if you said too little, you would be ghosted.
And according to Bumble, 21 per cent of Kiwis judge another person for their spicy rendezvous, and after screaming into my pillow, I have one question.
Why?
I'm not going to lie, this deep dive feels a little beyond my capabilities. I've searched far and wide, I've consulted my intimidating wall of dating books and ultimately, I had to lay down my resources and bring in the big guns.
Enter, Bumble. Not the large bee - the dating app.
They surveyed Kiwis to find out all your cheeky little secrets and most importantly, how you feel about sex.
So, while I would love to sit, drink a cosmopolitan and rant about why women should be allowed to have consensual sex with as many people as they like without judgement - I'll leave it up to the experts.
Considering one in five Kiwi singles don't believe in monogamy, it's pretty sad and cynical to hear that some men – and women - believe the number of people we've gotten down with is a problem.
But like I said, it's an age-old problem. It's not new.
Your grandparents dealt with it, your parents dealt with it and now you have to deal with it.
Samantha Jones would not be impressed, but such is life; in fact, the root of the problem may stem from our insecurities.
39 per cent of Kiwi singletons say they feel too inexperienced. I know, I thought it would be less as well. I mean Netflix releases a glorified porno at least once a week. You'd think we would have learnt something if not for false confidence.
But obviously feeling like this has a side effect - it impacts our sexual confidence and what do we do when we feel self-conscious or uncomfortable?
Knock someone down who is absolutely killing it.
It's like being in a primary school football field again. Ben is really good at kicking a rugby ball but you're not so what do you do?
You make fun of his shoes. God, those really cool, brand new, bright orange, Adidas kicks his mum brought him for Christmas. "So lame," you say as you run home and tell your mum you want a pair.
It's tall poppy syndrome at its peak. Us kiwis just aren't that good at accepting someone might be better at something than us so we nitpick.
The same can be said for our magic number.
It seems to be that people think the higher your magic number, the better you are at sex. It's simply intimidating to think someone has more experience than you - the science behind that is rigged by the way but try telling that to the 21 per cent of Kiwis who think your magic number matters.
So instead of feeding into their ghastly opinions, I suggest you instead take Samantha Jones' advice and cest la vie your way past the stigma.
"If I worried what every b***h in New York was saying about me, I'd never leave the house."
At the end of the day, it shouldn't matter how many notches are on that bedpost because there are so many reasons as to why it's a little or a large number. Not to mention, it really is no one's business but your own.
