Summertime can be a very confusing time to navigate dating disasters, on one hand, you've got a seriously good looking person tempting you to indulge in living your best dating disaster life and on the other you've got your mates telling you it's a hard no, probably the hardest no to ever exist.
Luckily for you, I teamed up with Ben Evans of legendary Instagram page NZ Lockdown Memes to help differentiate the good from the bad.
The page, which Ben Evans started during the first lockdown in 2020, has more than 110k followers on Instagram and that number continues to climb as Kiwis can't get enough of his hilarious memes. So unless you're a person who has nailed minimal screen time this lockdown (I'm going to need proof) you've probably seen his memes pop up on your IG feed.
Evans tells me his fans' favourites memes on his page are calling out "red flags" (warning signs your date isn't a good match) which is perfect. So after a quick chat with his manager at Liquorice, a collaboration was born and here we are bringing you a Friday giggle.
Here are the top eight red flags to watch out for this summer - in an easy-to-read format, it is Friday after all.
1. We might be nearing the end of 2021 but Evans stands by this 10-point summary of guys who will ruin your life. "I think these are all still pretty relevant, to be honest." He joked.
For me personally, it's the monkey emojis. Don't be fooled by their cuteness, they are nothing but suspense builders. Why are you covering your eyes? What have you done this time? I've 100 per cent got PTSD from these bad boys.
2. It's only fair we include the 2021 summary of girls who will ruin your life as well, and Evans was quick to point out this may as well be a wannabe influencer checklist. Those apple cider vinegar gummies should not be put in your mouth.
3. On no planet could we skip past the classic Tinder picture holding a fish red flag. "Awesome hobby but I don't really think that's going to woo the women." Evans chuckled. You heard it here first lads, fish pic = Shania Twain's "That Don't Impress Me Much". The boxes were very much not ticked.
4. The only inspiration behind this meme is that Nike Air Force 1's are a must-have for almost every mainstream guy and gal but when they're this manky? it's a hard no. If you can't take care of your shoes how are you going to take care of your summer lover?
5. This baby is a prerequisite if you want to enter a Culture Kings store according to Evans. He tells me it was popular in England a couple of years back and since NZ is a bit behind the times, it's only just showing up on our shores now - kind of like Covid.
If your date has this cut it's time to cut them off. Sorry lads, it's all about the mullet now. Instead, let Damien McKenzie be your inspiration with a long lush lion style mullay. Ooh la la.
6. Evans has already copped a bit of heat from the astrology girls for this one and it's resulted in some not very nice DMs. I've got one thing to say to that, keep it cute or keep it on mute dolls, but just like the Tinder fish picture is a deal-breaker for the gals, astrology can be a deal-breaker for the guys.
Keep doing you though astro girls, you've got to blame your life mistakes on something, it may as well be Mercury Retrograde.
7. For obvious reasons this made the list and lucky for all you lovers the true relationship test will be available again soon once the country hits 90 per cent vax and the Auckland border dissipates. For all the singletons, get ready, we will have to put up with an IG feed saturated with Onsen pics once more.
8. Lucky last and one we couldn't go past was this classic. Never, ever ask about lockdown life, unless you want to be blocked and deleted honey.
So there you have it legends, that is what to look for this summer when you're living your best vaxed and waxed life and if you think we have missed any, our DMs are always open.