"If you can't control the impulse to check their texts while they are in the shower, there are two yellow brick roads you can pick from." Photo / Getty Images
OPINION: By Lola Shaw
To his girlfriend - I'm sorry.
This isn't going to be an "I can take your man if I want to". Absolutely not. It's 2020, not 1920, and we aren't encouraging that behaviour anymore.
This is an apology.
To all the women out there with boyfriends who are being douche bags, I'm sorry. You deserve better.
On second thoughts, after seeing my brother with a broken heart, this is to everyone out there with partners who are imbeciles, I'm sorry. You deserve better.
Remember the dating commandment thou shall not flirt when you're in a monogamous relationship?
Well, when Tristan betrayed Khloe Kardashian with a woman whose name we didn't know we all felt it. It wasn't a betrayal kept between Tristan and Khloe. It was a betrayal the whole world felt because we've all been in a situation where the hottie we are dating has wandering eyes.
We are all adult enough to admit that there is an air of innocence that comes with friendly flirting. Flirting is a natural mood booster, to think that someone finds you attractive feels about as good as when you were 5 and mum said you have $2 to spend at the dairy.
But we are also adult enough to know flirting can quickly turn from playing with fire to getting third-degree burns.
To watch your partner flirting with someone that isn't you sucks, big time. It feels like a kick in the teeth. Like your attractive-o-meter went from a Victoria Secret Model level 10 to a "Karen" level 1. And I know half of you are screaming at me because "you'll only feel like that if you're in an insecure relationship" and you're totally right.
Insecurity happens for a variety of reasons, one of those reasons can be your partner flirting with the Megan Fox of his office.
If you are in the situation where your partner is flirting with someone that isn't you and has overstepped the line of innocence, you need to evaluate if you're overreacting (no shame in this, we've all seen red at times we shouldn't) or if your powerful sixth sense (intuition) is urging you to confront that thing you might have been avoiding.
If you can't control the impulse to check their texts while they are in the shower because you're certain Megan Fox isn't just a work colleague, there are two yellow brick roads you can pick from.
You can be petty and express your rage before you bring out the evidence.
Turning his Gucci jeans into Daisy duke cut-offs
Blast 'No Scrubs" any opportunity you have and refer to them as the scrub
Post an Instagram with a passive aggressive caption
Or (if these immature, passive-aggressive options aren't your forte), you can sit down and have a serious talk, because according to my pal, Google, they're bored and looking for a challenge.
If you've confronted them and they are denying everything with a sugar coating of calling you "crazy", there is a magical third yellow brick road.
Remember who you are, remember where you came from and most importantly, remember the iconic words of Ariana, thank u, next.
New York Times: Scientists have spent decades trying to explain near-death experiences.