Staff at Australia's only 24-hour sex toy helpline say there's nothing that would surprise them any more.
They've had calls from stressed-out women whose vibrators have run out of battery, men requesting blow-up dolls with a certain look and many, many people with things stuck inside them.
"You get really desensitised," customer care agent Carly Razum, 22, tells news.com.au at the Lovehoney offices in Brisbane. "I'm not fazed by anything.
"I get a 76-year-old woman whose husband has died and doesn't know anything about this, to an 18-year-old boy. Everyone wants the same thing.
"It's inspired me to spread the sexual happiness thing, education wise, I don't think there's enough. I really enjoy the atmosphere. I'd worked in retail for six or seven years before this, I don't take myself too seriously, but I'm quite professional as well."
'THEY'RE NOT USING IT PROPERLY'
Carly admits things sometimes get really out-there, when people ask for things relating to feet, or dildos in unusual shapes. "That kind of fetish we don't cater to," she says. "It's not that we're vanilla, we definitely go into BDSM [bondage, discipline sadism and masochism] but that's on the outskirts. Our buyers know what sells, they're mostly targeting couples looking to spice up their sex lives."
Lovehoney was founded in the UK and now has offices in the US and Australia, so the team of seven customer service agents deal with people across the world on the phone, email and live chat. It means they occasionally receive panicked 2am calls about items lodged in embarrassing places.
"Generally speaking, they're not using it properly," adds Carly's colleague Jess. "People get confused. I just let them know to calm down and relax, it's got to come out somehow.
"But we can't give them medical advice, we say, you've got to go to the ER."
Jess tells news.com.au the team often get requests from people using products from other retailers, but are happy to help out where they can. "Someone said, 'I have a lubricant I purchased from Coles and I'm wondering about the expiry date'," she says. "It's not a bad thing, we're a leading adult brand. We want to give customers peace of mind."
'WHAT DO I DO WITH THAT?'
They admit they get their fair share of hoax calls.
"The ones who laugh are not so genuine," Jess tells news.com.au. "It's pretty obvious what the toys are for, it's unlikely you've not come across them before ... So if I hear people saying, 'What do I do with a dildo?' I say, 'It goes straight up your nose!' When you hear them laugh, you hope you've made them think differently."
Carly, who studied teaching and hopes to improve sex education in the classroom too, says the worst part of the job is the creepy calls. "You feel like a cold shower after that."
Jess will end a call as soon as she gets suspicious. "People's voices change," she says.
"They ask you to describe the lingerie and you hear a few things in the background. It's like having someone whisper things in your ear that you don't want to hear.
"I do my best to be as unsexy as possible. I turn on the Aussie twang."
Stacey, who left her job in insurance to join the team, agrees the hoax calls are the worst part of the job. "Today I've only had three, some days more. When they're asking for information that's obvious, you know it's not legit."
The team say they've learnt not to make assumptions. They hear from young people experimenting for the first time, older people who want to learn new things and female-to-male transgender customers ordering something to wear down their pants.
"Because of the field we're in, it's almost like customers can relate and be relaxed straight away, because there's no face-to-face, particularly with live chat," says Jess.
Stacey says her most interesting call came from a 65-year-old man from a country town who had never spoken to a woman about sex. A cow had kicked him in the genitals and after multiple surgeries, he needed help finding a penis pump to help him rebuild.
"Privacy is a big thing," according to Jess, who gets frequent calls from people who just want to make sure the products are sent out in plain packaging with no mention of the company on the box (they are).
"People don't want their parents to find out, and older ones can be conservative - but there are out-there older people too, it depends on your upbringing," she says. "We explain where to find information, or videos demonstrating how to use products."
Carly says she loves hearing everyone's different views on the toys. "I learn something different every day," she says. "It's very cool.
"A lot of people find there's such a stigma around it. We're breaking it every day, allowing people to talk about their desires."