Social media etiquette: Is connecting with the boss a good idea?

Social media: The general rights and wrongs of communicating on these platforms – be authentic, don’t troll – are well hashed out in 2024, but grey areas remain: The work group chat minefields, the perils for parents, what not to discuss with colleagues. In the third of a series of social media etiquette guides, Catherine Sylvester finds out whether following the boss – and vice versa – is ever a good idea.

In an age where friend-requesting or following people you know is common, the question of whether it’s appropriate to do so with a manager or team leader is a common one for employees.

Similarly, for those in senior roles, responding to those requests is not always straightforward.

Prior to the advent of social media, staff knowledge of the boss’s personal life – and vice versa – was largely limited to whatever they revealed in breakroom small talk. Workplace interactions took place on company time and the rules of engagement were generally understood and accepted.

Flash forward to today, people are so contactable at any time that some countries are enshrining in law the right for workers to disconnect after hours. Meanwhile, commenting on snaps of your manager in a bikini holidaying in Fiji could open a space where the professional and personal blur results in potential discomfort for both parties.

Timely, honest and straightforward

Recruitment and human resource specialist at Talent ID Recruitment Ltd, Aleesha Kemp, says the boundaries of workplace relationships and connections are becoming more blurred with the use of social media, and everyone has a personal choice in who they allow to follow or friend them.

“Using your own personal values and morals and considering the impression [your] posts can have on others are the key points to consider when deciding to follow/friend someone from work.”

Kemp recommends managers or leaders be “fair and reasonable” when choosing who to accept - or not - as followers.

“Best practice would be to either accept all team members who ask … or have a rule where they keep work and personal life separate and don’t allow following from any team member to ensure they are consistent.”

Recruitment and human resource specialist Aleesha Kemp says relationship and connection boundary lines within the workplace are becoming blurred with the use of social media.

If team members and leaders do choose to engage on social media, it’s important correct communication channels are still followed when reporting sickness, task instruction, providing feedback “or other notifiable situations from a work sense”, she says.

If either party chooses to decline a request, Kemp suggests a timely, honest, and straightforward response such as: “Thanks for asking me. I’m keeping Facebook for my family and friends. I will ask you to join me on LinkedIn, my professional network, instead”.

Conveying this in person or via a phone call where vocal tone can be heard is best.

Bearing any potential legal implications in mind is advisable, Kemp says, noting employers have the right to investigate inappropriate social media behaviour outside of work “if that behaviour brings the employer’s reputation into disrepute”.

“Case law suggests an employer may be justified in taking disciplinary action against an employee if it can show the employee’s inappropriate behaviour on social media platforms damaged its business, impacts other employees undermines the necessary trust and confidence between the employer and employee”.

For those who would like to share some but not all of their social media world with colleagues, Kemp suggests using privacy and security settings to restrict content for certain friends.

“Facebook allows you to set custom privacy settings so not all your friends can see the same level of information about you,” she says, adding that Instagram offers options regarding who can view your feed and stories.

‘We can’t put our head in the sand’

Director of Glia: Workplace Psychologists, Bridget Jelley, says it’s important to develop some literacy and comfort for how we do and do not engage on social media as “we can’t put our head in the sand” about it.

“Connection is important in the workplace and social media can provide opportunities for this,” she says.

“Facebook does offer those who want to connect with colleagues (junior or senior to them) … in a more holistic way [to do so].”

Jelley notes there needs to be “balance and responsibility” from all parties, and some organisations and professional bodies have policies for their staff or members about social media.

Psychologist Bridget Jelley says social media can provide opportunities for connection in the workplace. Photo / Alex Cairns

The psychologist says it’s best not to ignore a friend request from a colleague if you don’t want to accept it.

“Front up and just explain that you keep Facebook for close friends and family,” or pre-empt potential requests by letting staff know you don’t connect with colleagues through social media.

To avoid potential awkwardness, Jelley suggests all parties preface connection requests with something like, “I’m a social media user so will send you an invite but totally respect your boundaries so don’t feel you have to accept”.

Pele Walker is the director of dispute resolution at the Ministry of Business, Innovation and Employment. Walker says it’s important employees do not speak about their employers “in a derogatory manner while in a public or work forum” and that policies should be in place to ensure “managers and team leaders do not use their positions in a manner that could be perceived as harassment”.

To avoid confusion, Walker says it’s important for workplaces to have written policies that “cover issues related to social media usage”.

In summary

DO remember you have a choice whether or not to follow or accept requests

DON’T pick and choose which of your team members you allow to follow you if you’re a manager - be consistent

DON’T use social media channels for work-related communication such as sick leave requests or performance appraisals

DO have a prepared response if keeping social media accounts separate from workmates and deliver this in person

DO ask your employer if they have a Code of Conduct or policy that addresses issues related to social media use.

Catherine Sylvester is a multimedia journalist at the Bay of Plenty Times and Rotorua Daily Post. She has a background in feature writing, radio and television, and has taught media at a tertiary level.