Opinion: Should you ever choose love over a career?

Are your 20s the time to focus on finding love or building your career? Photo / Getty Images

OPINION:

I'm in my 20s and feel like I'm at a crossroads with my career and my relationship. My partner wants me to go with them on an OE for two years but I don't know if I want to put my career on standby for that long. Do I pick love or my career?

Oh my god, I've been waiting for this question.

My immediate reaction is to tell you to pick your career over love.

Recently I found an old diary, and after flicking through a few pages, it became abundantly clear my childhood/early teenage daydreams were never about Prince Charming. I didn't have a vision of a white picket fence, two kids and a loving husband.

I wanted a career.

I was going to be Hannah Montana or a paediatric surgeon, maybe even a pathologist, before I ultimately decided writing was the career for me - talk about one extreme to another.

It was all about the dream job, but then I started dating boys, and suddenly the dreams became a mix of Prince Charming and Samantha Jones' boss era, so I can understand why you're struggling to find an answer in the career v love debate because, same.

In reality, this question is a double-edged sword. It's something that has neither a right or wrong answer.

And the best way to face it is firstly by realising work and relationships are not mutually exclusive: you can have both. However, sometimes it's going to feel like you can't because at different stages in your life, you'll feel your attention pulled to one more than the other.

I once read "your 20s are for your career, your 30s are for love," and it instantly made sense to me – not because I like things to be clear-cut and compartmentalised but because I've realised there are huge advantages to putting your career first in your 20s.

If you choose your career at this age, you will likely climb the ladder faster because you will build a strong foundation that's helpful later down the track. With no other commitments, you have time to network and create a solid reputation and expertise, not to mention open much better prospects for yourself.

On the other hand, we have love: oh that beautiful thing that inspires so many songs, movies and books. If you choose love over your career, you are faced with an equally exciting and magical journey. Love is often described as magic. It's what keeps the world turning and, to be honest, it's fundamental to our existence as humans. It's also hard to find a good partner, so when you do, don't let go.

Prioritising love over your career won't hinder your growth, it will simply nourish it in different ways, which isn't a bad thing, especially if you want children or value family.

Alternatively, you can pick both because, like I previously said, they are not mutually exclusive. There are always ways to find a happy medium if you are both understanding of each other's goals and values.

In your case specifically, you could consider going on the OE with your partner for a shorter time - because, at the end of the day, you can always go to work, but you'll never be in your 20s travelling the world with the person you love again.

See what you can negotiate with your boss. In this new WFH era you could look at extended leave options or even remote work.

But while that's my opinion, it's not reflective of everyone's, so during my research for this piece, I took up my Instagram journalism skills once more and asked my followers what they would do.

Of the 100-odd people who replied to my desperate plea for help, 33 per cent revealed they would pick love over a career in their 20s.

And when asked why, one person said, "because if you love someone enough, then you'll compromise to make both your dreams work".

Another said, "Love from the right person at the right time will get you to your goals in life." And a reply that has since become my favourite said, "20s builds your confidence mindset etc. Most careers have no age restriction."

So if you're leaning toward love, let those last wise words be a reminder. Look at Martha Stewart as an example: her real success came when she released her first book in her 40s. It might even take until you're 50, like Samuel Jackson who didn't find fame until then.

But if you're leaning toward your career like the remaining 67 per cent of responders, this advice might be more comforting to you. One person said, "You don't need a partner, but you need a job!" Another said, "You're the only person that will always show up for you."

And everyone else said something along the lines of "money, duh".

Whatever you decide, whether it's love or your career, you'll find your 20s are a blip in time. What you choose now is rarely permanent, so the only thing you can really do is follow your heart and have a good time while doing it.