One Day You’ll Thank Me: How to avoid toxic masculinity in an Andrew Tate-riddled world

A new book helps parents navigate raising "boys who like themselves" amid a landscape where toxic masculinity is infiltrating their lives. Photo / Getty Images

Welcome to season four of the Herald’s parenting podcast: One Day You’ll Thank Me. Join parents and hosts Jenni Mortimer and Rebecca Haszard as they navigate the challenges and triumphs of parenting today with help from experts and well-known mums and dads from across Aotearoa.

Want to get in touch with the podcast? Email the team at odytm@nzme.co.nz.

When Australian researchers and writers Kasey Edwards and Dr Christopher Scanlon had their daughters, their parenting journey led them to write a book: Raising Girls Who Like Themselves.

But when the mum and dad of two girls shared their work with a group of friends, they were surprised by the reactions from those raising boys.

“One of our friends started to tear up, which was not the reaction we were expecting,” recalls Edwards.

Asking what was wrong, their friend told them: “My boy doesn’t like himself.” Their concern was echoed by other parents of boys too and sparked the Australian couple’s decision to write their next book: Bringing Up Boys Who Like Themselves.

Dr Christoper Scanlon and Kasey Edwards are the authors of Bringing Up Boys Who Like Themselves.

On this week’s episode of One Day You’ll Thank Me, hosts Jenni Mortimer and Rebecca Haszard talk to Edwards and Scanlon about their new book and the big issues boys are dealing with today, including body confidence and navigating the influence of misogynistic TikTok star Andrew Tate.

While many parents will be conscious of encouraging body confidence in their daughters, Edwards and Scanlon say it’s just as crucial for boys.

“Parents of girls will talk about the unrealistic body shapes that we see on catwalks or we see in toys like Barbie and the like,” notes Scanlon. “And the attitude is we very much need to address that. We have conversations with our girls from quite a young age. We don’t have the same conversations with boys so they’re not necessarily getting those protective factors.”

Another protective factor parents are desperately trying to build into their boys is awareness of the negative influence of one Andrew Tate.

A recent article highlighted growing concern among Kiwi parents and educators over the influence of Tate, a TikTok star recently charged with rape and human trafficking who describes himself as “the king of toxic masculinity”.

Edwards and Scanlon say a crucial approach when talking to boys about “Tate and his ilk, is to not shut the conversation down because he and people like him have already primed boys to get disapproving looks and comments from parents, teachers, anyone else in authority”.

“So he’s already loaded in that little mini virus into them so that they say, ‘Oh yeah, I was told I was going to get this disapproved.’ So don’t shut it down... you have to deconstruct Tate.”

• To learn more from the authors of Bringing Up Boys Who Like Themselves listen to today’s episode of One Day You’ll Thank Me below.