The homage to Sergio Leone's "spaghetti" westerns goes beyond the title of this downbeat British romantic comedy. The soundtrack apes the clip-clop orchestration and whining harmonica of Ennio Morricone's fabled score.
That music, a stretch-limo Mini and a "gunfight" scene involving a power drill withouta bit offer the only amusement to be had in a seriously misjudged film.
It's meant to be the third part of a trilogy set in working-class Nottingham. But unlike the director's earlier Twentyfour Seven and A Room For Romeo Brass, which were films with a veteran's command of tone and mood, this has absolutely no idea what it wants to be.
Three distinct threads, which are intended to be interwoven, end up getting tangled early on.
One - the Western parody - has Glaswegian thug Jimmy (Carlyle) coming back to claim his ex, Shirley (Henderson) when he sees her turning down her longtime live-in lover Derek (Ifans) on an Oprah-style TV show (don't ask).
The second is a ropey farce in which three of Jimmy's Scots mobster mates are chasing him over a bad debt.
And the third involves Tomlinson as a country and western singer (I said don't ask), who is in an uneasy marital alliance with Jimmy's foster-sister (Burke).
Confused? You will be before this is half over.
The problem is that the way the central love triangle will be resolved is of no interest to us because we never begin to care about the participants - and wonder why Shirley, a rather anaemic and glassy-eyed half-wit, must choose between an amoral psychopath and a boring drip.
The film is meant to depict some elemental struggle which asks whether a family is connected by blood or love and custom, but it's larded with clumsy comedy and the mixture soon curdles.
Add in the fact that Carlyle's Glaswegian accent is almost impenetrable and it all adds up to something of an endurance test.Peter Calder
Cast: Robert Carlyle, Rhys Ifans, Shirley Henderson, Finn Atkins, Kathy Burke, Ricky Tomlinson
Director: Shane Meadows
Running time: 100 mins
Rating: M, contains violence and offensive language
