Even more startling: if we were to take the same approach to alcohol as we do to other carcinogens, we'd hardly drink at all.
Adopting the European Food Standards Authority guidelines on exposure to carcinogens in food and drinks, experts argue that exposure should be no more than one thousandth the toxic dose.
For alcohol, that works out to be no more than the equivalent of two drinks a year.
You may wonder: what about alcohol's purported benefits? Isn't red wine good for our hearts? Experts say these benefits have been overblown, and any benefits that alcohol may have for the heart are outweighed by the harms, especially if our pattern of drinking includes even occasional episodes of heavy drinking (which may not mean what you think it does: six standard drinks a day is considered heavy).
If that doesn't faze you, let me appeal to vanity: alcohol makes us fat. It's not, as some people think, the sugar in alcoholic drinks that piles on the kilos. It's the alcohol. That's because it is energy dense.
One gram of alcohol provides 29kJ, second only to fat at 37kJ. All it takes is four 150ml glasses of wine, or four 330ml bottles of cider or beer, and we've drunk the equivalent of an extra meal.
So knowing this, we can see how it would be best not to drink at all. Cancer experts say there's "no safe level of consumption". But if that's unpalatable, what's best for those of us who do still want to enjoy a drink? Low-risk drinking guidelines say we can reduce our long-term health risks by drinking no more than two standard drinks a day and no more than 10 standard drinks a week for women, or three standard drinks a day for men and no more than 15 standard drinks a week.
We should ideally have at least two alcohol-free days every week. Bear in mind a standard drink is pretty small — the equivalent of 100ml of wine, 30ml of spirits or 280ml of beer.
I have lovely big wine glasses into which I routinely pour myself one-and-a-half standard drinks — I know because I measured. Try this yourself; it may prove sobering.
• Niki Bezzant is editor-in-chief of Healthy Food Guide magazine