Confession Box: Alexander Gandar
PRIDE
Your video for Finn Andrews' song One By The Venom features something like 48 deaths. Which is your favourite?
I've got a lot of love for the [murderous] nuns, that's probably the
one that is closest to what was in my head as we were conceptualising it. I feel like it unlocks the real beauty and terror of those two-and-a-half seconds. Insider trivia: that's actually my girlfriend [who is killed]. She was pretty proud of that, she really channelled something.
Does death frighten you?
I think it does, I think it really does. I have a really clear memory from childhood, the day you realise that death is something that happens and the dizzying abyss that opens psychically. I remember exactly where I was and what was happening when I had that realisation and I don't think that feeling has ever disappeared. I don't consider myself religious at all. The idea of not existing for eternity does frighten me. I am actually kind of excited about the experience of death but the idea of infinity is frightening. Even talking about it makes me feel panicky.
What do you want to leave behind when you die?
I used to think when I was in my early 20s it would be a novel or some kind of masterpiece or opus but I think, as I get older, I want to leave a memory of joy behind. I know that sounds kind of corny, but I'd like to be remembered as a person who people wanted to be around. As I get older, I wonder what is special about what I am trying to say - it's just the same as what everyone else is trying to say and it's about who says it the loudest. Maybe things that are meaningful are smaller than that. Family is another one - I'd like to leave behind nice people.
GLUTTONY
Is money important to you?
Auckland is a very money-obsessed city. It's bananas expensive to live here. We are all constantly concerned with how much things cost and it feels like it is inevitable that you will wrestle with your relationship to wealth and capital. I don't consider myself to be someone who is driven by money but I definitely, definitely, definitely like to collect things. I really enjoy the concept of ownership and I like things to be mine.