After watching her sister-in-law Meghan stomp around doing whatever she likes, Kate Middleton has realised an important life lesson: rules are for losers.
Ever since she tiptoed into the palace, Kate has been the good girl — she thought she had to be. She has been all manners and demure smiles — wearing whatever outfits from the 1800s the Queen told her to. Doing exactly as she was told.
Then Meghan Markle blazed in from Hollywood and openly flouted the ancient rules. It stirred the bitterness. That night at the British Fashion Awards in December where Meghan broke tradition and painted her nails black didn't help the resentment.
No wonder they're feuding. It's like when your parents tell you not to do something and then your sibling goes and does it anyway and your parents shrug and don't care.
Rules are just a formality that can be ignored without consequence — like speed limits and paying your electricity bill.
There's something so freeing about not following the rules thrust upon you by family and society. Like when you're little and you're told you can't eat Easter eggs before the actual day. Then you grow up and realise you can eat Easter eggs every bloody day for the three months they're in stores. The day you buy a purple Cadbury bunny and eat it for dinner on a Tuesday night in February is the day you become an adult.
When you learn that rules don't matter, your future opens up. It's a lesson Kate finally learnt this week — and it was taught to her by her daughter, notorious royal rebel Charlotte.
Charlotte's got an attitude and she just doesn't care. Out this week at the King's Cup yachting regatta, Charlotte had enough of all the old people cheering at her and decided to stick her tongue out at them. Brilliant move. I do the same thing to my editor whenever she asks me to write anything.
As a sidenote, poking your tongue out at annoying people is an old school insult that needs to be brought back. Don't even bother wasting your voice — poke your tongue out today at someone and just walk off.
Anyway, this kind of behaviour would usually mortify Kate — and any parent. What about the rules! Social etiquette!
But not this day. Kate was in the mood to break rules. Making it clear she was ready to step out from under Meghan's reign, she did something she hasn't done since becoming royalty: she wore shorts. And she looked flipping great in them.
Restricted by rules, protocol and weird 1800s outfits, she hasn't worn shorts in about a decade.
Standing in her minis while that ratbag Charlotte poked her tongue out at everyone, the shackles of royal life finally fell off. Kate looked down at Charlotte and cackled — it's honestly the happiest we've ever seen her.
Take that, Meghan's black nail polish! A bold manicure is amateur hour. Kate's raising the bar when it comes to rule breaking. And she's making up for lost time.