You, me and most people we know are overweight and overworked. We just don't have the time to sort ourselves out. That's why I've been working out at work. It's changing my life. It's really annoying my workmates. But it's working out for me.
I'm not talking about going to the work gym or runs at lunchtime. I'm talking lifting weights at the office. Curl to press at your desk. Meeting squats. Chair hurdles. It's the work out at work workout - and it works.
The problem with most workouts is finding the time. Not only the actual working out time but the travel time, the changing time and the showering time. We spend most of our lives either at work or shagged from being at work. Kiwis are working longer and longer hours. Keeping up regular exercise is getting harder. So work out at work.
If you're like me when you're not at work, you want to be with friends and family, watching Orville on TVNZ OnDemand. You don't want to go out again once you're finally home. As a result, we get hit with double gym guilt. We feel bad about not working out and worse about paying for a gym we're not going to.
The simple solution is to work out where you are most of the time, which is probably work. Best of all you actually get paid while you are working out. Which is annoying for your employers but great for your bikini bod.
But how do you work out at work? Weight training is easy. Simply take a set of dumbbells in with you. Maybe sneak them in in the weekend. Then pretend to discover them on Monday. "Whose are these?" That way it doesn't seem so premeditated.
Maybe you start playing around with them for a "joke". Over time the playing turns into regular workouts. Before you know it you're pumping iron three times a day. Grunting your way to fitness right there in the office.
I have this routine going. I set multiple random daily notifications. When they go off I jump up from my chair and slam three sets of 10 single arm dumbbell snatches, then the same amount of curl to presses, followed by the one where you put your weights together in front of you and then flap your wings up like a roast chicken. Get that going six times a day and you're getting somewhere. Maybe not a promotion but definitely getting somewhere body wise.
What about cardio? Simply sprint everywhere you go. Heading to the kitchen? Belt it. When you get there, jump on the ground and do five press-ups. When you get back do five squats. This way you can turn a coffee run for a workmate into a shuttle run work out for you.
Instead of wandering over to your boss's desk to ask a question, sprint and hit the deck when you get there. Pound the ground before you pop up and ask for the afternoon off. Do that every time you go anywhere in the office and you'll get fit fast. You will make powerful enemies but, as the saying goes: no pain no gain.
The steps in your office are good. If you have to go up a few levels do it at pace. Sprint up, but before you go through the door sprint back down, then back up and then back down and then back up and then back down then take the lift. Boom fit. Sure, you'll be sweating and puffed when you arrive. Sure, your work productivity will slide in your recovery time. But over the weeks you'll get fitter. Being late for everything is a small price to pay for a rocking bod.
This isn't one of those fitness plans that seems good on paper but turns out to be impractical in real life. If you tune into the Matt and Jerry Breakfast Show on Hauraki any given workday you will hear me puffed and unable to perform my job. That's because I work out at my work all the time. If I can do it you can. You might want to tune in sooner rather than later. This constant working out on the clock has put me on pretty shaky ground with top brass.
New Zealanders are working too much and not doing enough fitness. That's why I invented the work out at work, workout. It's designed to solve both those problems. So pound your body on someone else's time. Treat your workplace like it's your own personal gym. Work your way to fitness.
There is, of course, the smell. You will stink. No one will go near you. You'll become a pariah in your own workplace.
So maybe hiff a sweat rag and some industrial strength Lynx Africa in your desk drawer.