Marie Kondo is a well-organised contradiction.
When she's not tip toeing softly around strangers' homes, origami-ing their underwear and telling them to throw out all their books, she's releasing books of her own that in turn clutter-up her devotees newly-decluttered spaces, reports News.com.au.
You're an evil genius, Kondo.
It seems like everyone's a fan of the 34-year-old Japanese tidying guru. The year kicked off with the world transfixed by her Netflix show Tidying Up, where she glides around America and meets very messy couples who are breathless with excuses as to why their home is filled with so much crap.
She listens patiently — crouching delicately on her knees — and shows an unmatchable amount of tolerance to the homeowners' noisy children.
She's like a more streamlined Mary Poppins, but without all the overcoats and umbrellas and carpet-handbags because that's just clutter.
Then she whispers to her translator, chucks out a bunch of rubbish and artistically folds the rest. Suddenly the house is clean and everyone's crying with joy.
Fans everywhere are trying to execute Kondo's teachings in their own homes. They can't get enough of it. Except when it comes to books.
Kondo's theory on books has caused quite the stir, with the guru encouraging clients to chuck out a bunch of the dust-collectors. Nerds everywhere were outraged and acted as if Kondo had just calmly origami-ed a stack of first editions and set them on fire.
Across the globe, more than four million copies have sold of her own tome The Life- Changing Magic of Tidying Up. Some local bookstores are currently sold out of copies.
Kondo's bible on how to rid your life of clutter is itself becoming clutter on coffee tables and bookshelves around the world.
In countless homes, it's probably shoved between copies of The Secret and The Catcher In The Rye — all three books sharing one similarity in that they were never read to completion by the homeowner and are now just what they were always destined to be: clutter.
Kondo-mania is clearly a corporate pyramid scheme. The more books about organisation she releases, the more clutter her devotees bring into their homes. Then, following KonMari law, they purge and throw everything out — including their saviour's books.
Ah, serenity. But it's fleeting.
Suddenly Kmart releases more junk in rose gold and Aldi starts selling an ugly chair and all of a sudden devotees' homes are cluttered again. What to do? They need to repurchase Kondo's bible. It's a dangerous cycle.
Trying to get your home to look like a hotel room is an impossible task so stop trying. It's like hoping to achieve the elusive "inbox zero". The second you've achieved it, an avalanche of crud tips down around you and you've got to start again.
No one has time to origami their clothes and jigsaw them together in the drawer of a Danish sideboard.
Clothes live in three areas: the drying rack, the washing basket, or the random chair in the corner of your room. The latter location is for brand new clothes you've only worn once but they're hand wash only and no one has time to hand wash so on that random chair they will remain — never to be worn again.
I know many people who have tried and failed the KonMari way of life. Some stopped midway. Others got to the bagging stage and now have crap piled up either at their front door or in the boot of their car. Like the hand wash only clothes on the random bedroom chair, these bags of miscellaneous junk will not reach another destination.
The lack of success these friends and colleagues have had is unsurprising. They — like their homes — are all complete messes and they're never going to change.
And neither are you. So stop origami-ing your T-shirts immediately.
This story was originally from news.com.au and republished here with permission