Firstly, what if I just don't want to have children? Years of sleep deprivation, extra cleaning and nappy changes may not be everyone's cup of tea, and that's completely fair enough.
Secondly, what if I can't have children? That's a genuine concern for many women.
Thirdly, what if I had suffered a miscarriage or was struggling to get pregnant? Your nosey question would be the icing on an already sh*t cake.
Should none of the above be the case and I do want and am able to have children in the future, why on earth would I have that very personal conversation with anybody except my husband?
Why should I tell you when I essentially plan on having unprotected sex and making the biggest emotional, financial - not to mention longest - commitment of my life?
For those who still don't understand, let me flip the situation: How would you feel if I outright asked how often you are having sex, and for what purpose? Because that right there is the question you're asking me.
There are myriad other reasons why somebody might feel uncomfortable answering this question, from financial hardship or difficult living arrangements to health issues or fear of discrimination, just to name a few.
So I urge you to stop asking this question, for our sake and your own potential embarrassment.
Don't hint at it. Don't joke about it. And for the love of God, please don't ask me why I'm not drinking and follow it up with a cheeky wink. Nothing is worse than the cheeky wink.
*This fed-up new bride wishes to remain anonymous