In a bid to escape her obsessive, violent stalker, Jessica and her daughter have moved homes nine times. With NSW's maximum penalty for stalking being just five years, Jessica's ex has only served two brief stints in prison since the harassment began in 1996.
Jessica has filed numerous restraining orders against her harasser, which he continues to breach. Currently, there is a warrant out for his arrest after he failed to attend court for sending the salacious image of Jessica to her colleagues last June.
IT'S USUALLY THE EX
Being stalked by a former intimate partner is the most common stalking pattern and the most dangerous, according to police and forensic psychologist Kris Mohandie.
Dr Mohandie says that because there's been a former intimate bond, the potential for violence is far greater. Stalkers typically have severe personality disorders, narcissism and a sense of entitlement, viewing their ex-partners as objects that they possess.
Around one in five women and 8% of men will be stalked in their lifetime, data from the ABS shows.
"Often times they blame their victims for their legal problems, for abandoning them. And because the perpetrator knows the victim, he knows her habits. It may make him more effective at being able to pursue and harass," says Dr Mohandie.
JESSICA'S FAMILY AND FRIENDS COPPED IT
From following her to breaking into her home and calling constantly, Jessica's stalker has stopped at nothing to intrude upon her life. Jessica's friends and family have also been targeted for refusing to reveal her location, being sent dead animals and harangued over the phone.
For years Jessica would return home to threatening messages. Breathing through the answering machine, her ex would intimidate her, "I'll find out where you are. Your days are numbered".
"Initially there was a lot of 'I love you, please come back'. Then when I didn't respond, there was a lot of 'I hate you, I'll make you pay for not coming back'. There's no doubt in my mind that he would kill me if he had a chance," Jessica says.
It is through Jessica's strenuous efforts that her daughter, now in her 20s, has been unscathed by her father's abusive behaviour. Desperate to keep her child from harm, Jessica hid the stalking from her daughter. She would tell her daughter to wait outside, while she checked the house to see if her ex had broken in.
It was only when her daughter began asking questions at 11 years of age that Jessica decided to show her the court documents.
"I figured it would be a huge achievement to not have this nightmare imposed on her world. I was pretty distracted with trying to achieve that while running to and from court, making statements to police every second day of the week to try and keep us legally safe," Jessica says.
A successful PhD candidate at an Australian university, Jessica's studies in psychology have helped her to make peace with her long and frustrating past as a stalking victim. Her ex-husband, a serial pest almost going on 50 years old, continues to suffer from substance abuse and mental health issues.
Since being stalked Jessica has formed a network of other victims, helping to empower women to seek legal help and document instances to paint a "clear picture" of their cases.
In line with advice from Dr Mohandie, she suggests that victims should document all incidents, seek help and notify police immediately if the perpetrator violates a restraining order.
"My advice to any woman who is being stalked is to immediately engage the law. Even though you think it's just a piece of paper and it will just make him angrier, it may save you. It's the message to him that I'm not afraid to take action. That's how I would want to go. I'm not going to die hovering in a corner, I'd want to die knowing I did everything I could," Jessica says.
*Name has been changed
Where to go for help or more information:
• Women's Refuge: Free national crisisline operates 24/7 - 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843 www.womensrefuge.org.nz
• Shine, free national helpline 9am- 11pm every day - 0508 744 633 www.2shine.org.nz
• It's Not Ok: Information line 0800 456 450 www.areyouok.org.nz
• Shakti: Providing specialist cultural services for African, Asian and Middle Eastern women and their children. Crisisline 24/7 0800 742 584
• Ministry of Justice: www.justice.govt.nz/family-justice/domestic-violence
• National Network of Stopping Violence: www.nnsvs.org.nz
• White Ribbon: Aiming to eliminate men's violence towards women, focusing this year on sexual violence and the issue of consent. www.whiteribbon.org.nz
- news.com.au