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Home / Lifestyle

Where have all the good men gone?

Corazon Miller
By Corazon Miller
Reporter·NZ Herald·
19 Jun, 2016 04:00 AM3 mins to read

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Kerry Carter talks to the Weekend Herald about the man drought in her social circles

An Auckland woman is bemoaning the dearth of intelligent, creative and eloquent men in what she describes as the "era of the lone older women".

Kerry Carter, 72, has written to the Weekend Herald to express her frustration and incredulity at the lack of men in her social circles.

"I really wrote it to express my strong feelings about it, because it doesn't matter what I go to, it's always women, women, women."

She said it wasn't for lack of trying - each week she went to Tai Chi, Pilates, the gym, is in a walking and tramping club and attends numerous shows, festivals and events in the city.

Through these events Ms Carter has met a small handful of men she's found engaging, but said for the most part her social scene was bereft of "interesting" men.

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"Everywhere I go, I think as I said it in the letter, there's masses of creative interesting women and about two men," she told the Weekend Herald.

Ms Carter, who lives alone in the city, even admitted to having gone online in her search for interesting men - but said while there'd been some "interesting" encounters, for the most part it had proven fruitless.

"It's so unbalanced. What happens to men over 60? They can't be all dead!"

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According to Statistics New Zealand's 2013 Census men made up 47 per cent of the total population aged 60 and over - 408,810 of a combined 872,784.

In Ms Carter's age bracket, 70 to 74, this went up slightly to 48 per cent; 75,246 of a combined population of 156,276.

Broken down further for the Auckland region, there are 19,845 men aged between 70-74; 46 per cent of that category's 41,748 population.

However, the pensioner, who has two grown boys, put the percentage of men in attendance at the various social gatherings she went to at less than 20 per cent. In her travelling around the city Ms Carter said she'd occasionally come across men her age who appeared a little "lost".

"Sometimes I see these lost and bored looking men sitting in shopping malls, they look as if they've been there for hours.

"I lament this state of affairs deeply ... it's nice to have some male energy in the mix, but I've given up hope and I just enjoy other women's company in groups."

Ms Carter, who has been single barring the occasional "boyfriend" since her marriage broke up 34 years ago, said she wasn't searching for love but just for some "male energy" to balance out the females.

"It would be easier if I wasn't heterosexual, because there are lots of interesting lovely women, but there's not the same with men, that same adventurous sort of spirit. With some exceptions, they seem to have lost their mojo - their sense of adventure."

However, Ms Carter said most in her age group had long given up on finding another male partner.

"We'd just like more men to come along and be sociable at the aforementioned activities ... please."

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Her advice to men her age - was to get out there and give new things a go.

"Go to film festivals, be interested in life, rather than sitting around, yes be alive and interesting ..."

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