One of New Zealand's most popular YouTube stars, Shaaanxo, has revealed her struggle with depression in a heartfelt video to fans.

Beauty guru, Shannon Harris, has amassed over 1.8 million subscribers on her main make-up tutorial channel and another 355,000 are tuned in to her secondary, more casual vlogging platform.

Shaaanxo, from Palmerston North, said she was inspired to share her post about dealing with depression after American beauty vlogger Amanda Ensing opened up about how religion became a big part of her life.

Harris revealed a bout of depression which stemmed from a series of events following the end of a long-term relationship which happened "ages ago". She began to fear being alone and was drinking and partying too much, she revealed.


"I definitely started feeling very depressed. At first I thought it was nothing, I was like 'nah ... I've got such a good life'.

"I kinda dismissed the feeling of depression in the back of my mind ... it was like this weird empty feeling inside me, it's so hard to describe."

Shaaanxo dropped out of university and quit her job. She worried about telling her parents of her desire to pursue a YouTube career.

"I thought they'd be so ashamed of me," although this turned out not to be the case.

The 22-year-old said she turned things around after confiding in a friend experienced in dealing with mental health issues. She made the move to Auckland with her new boyfriend, Hamish Kennard, and she was able to commit to YouTube full-time.

"Everything happens for a reason ... that moment of my life was awful but it ended up being the best thing that happened."

Where to get help:

Lifeline: 0800 543 354 (available 24/7)
Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
Youth services: (06) 3555 906
Youthline: 0800 376 633
Kidsline: 0800 543 754 (4pm to 6pm weekdays)
Whatsup: 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm)
The Word
Depression helpline: 0800 111 757 (available 24/7)
Rainbow Youth: (09) 376 4155
CASPER Suicide Prevention
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.