Most Kiwis happy in their love life

People satisfied with their sexual relationship talked and listened to their partner and discussed problems even when it was difficult. Photo / Steven McNicholl

New Zealanders are happy in their love lives - but three-quarters of us say we're in relationships where the demand for sex is lopsided.

A survey released yesterday shows 67 per cent of respondents are satisfied with the sexual aspects of their relationship and 83 per cent are satisfied with the relationship overall.

However, three-quarters said a common issue in the relationship was one partner wanting sex more than the other.

The survey, Talking about Sex in Relationships, was conducted by Relationship Services, New Zealand's largest counselling and relationship education agency.

The online survey of 1000 people looked at the way couples in long-term relationships talked about and dealt with issues relating to sex and intimacy.

"When the sexual aspect of a relationship is going well it can help to build intimacy and satisfaction in a relationship. When it's not going well it can be a difficult issue to broach," said Cary Hayward, national practice manager of Relationship Services.

People satisfied with their sexual relationship talked and listened to their partner and discussed problems even when it was difficult.

The most common issues in relationships included one partner wanting sex more than the other and life problems such as work, family and stress affecting interest in sex (65 per cent).

"It was interesting that for these and many other issues that, even when they occurred, many people didn't consider them a problem, particularly if their relationship was strong," he said.

Those satisfied in their relationships believed people of all ages and shapes could have satisfying sex, ordinary sex was fine, and that sex and emotional closeness went together.

However, people who were dissatisfied believed a young and perfect body was essential for satisfying sex, sex and emotional closeness were separate, and that sex had to be fantastic every time.

The survey also asked where people turned for information and help for sexual problems. Most looked to books and websites for information, but turned to known, trusted people such as their partner (65 per cent) and GP (62 per cent) for help.

Just over half the respondents said they would seek professional counselling for problems.

SEX, LIES AND EMBARRASSMENT
* 75 per cent of couples reported one partner wanting sex more than the other.
* 19 per cent reported infidelity.
* 74 per cent of people aged 60 or older were satisfied sexually in their relationship.
* 58 per cent of people felt uncomfortable discussing sexual relationships with their parents.