Lee Suckling: Your Instagram habits are ruining your sex life

The reality is, for the person on the other end of the smartphone, conversing with you might just be fun and games, or something to pass the time because they're lonely or isolated. Photo / Getty Images

We know a lot about Instagram and its negative relation to self-esteem. Who wouldn't feel bad about themselves after opening their phone to find everyone has six-pack abs, a glistening tan, and a perfect Copacabana bum?

While Instagram's effect on how you feel about your body is one way the social network may be ruining your sex life, it's not the only way.

Let's take the very early stage of dating someone for example. When you've just met somebody and created a connection, the butterflies jet around your stomach. You have that "ooh ah ah" sensation – you cannot stop thinking about them. How does Instagram negatively impinge on this beautiful time? By allowing you too much access to the life of the person you're courting.

During these early, anxiety-fuelled weeks of meeting somebody is when you're naturally filled with self-doubt in the bedroom. There's huge pressure to perform. You know they're talking to their friends about your sexual competency. There's skepticism as to why they are bedding you at all.

Log onto the 'gram and all of these feelings will be intensified. You'll go onto your new lover's page and obsessively analyse the content they are posting. Is that a thirst trap they just put online, and is the purpose of it to get sexual attention from people who aren't you? Are they dating any of these other people in their photos? Why are so many people commenting on their posts with flirty messages, and are they DM'ing them back?

None of these questions were nearly as easy to obsess over during the pre-Instagram dating era. You were simply left in the dark about simultaneous other happenings in a person's sex life that don't involve you. This is a problem only solved, really, by either open conversation or the decision to become exclusive.

This social media platform can ruin your sex life tangentially too. The nature of Instagram gives people a false sense of intimacy with the people they interact with. You could be messaging and sexting somebody for days, weeks, or months and think you have a real, serious connection that will culminate in great sex IRL. The reality is, for the person on the other end of the smartphone, conversing with you might just be fun and games, or something to pass the time because they're lonely or isolated. Even if they explicitly say so, they may have no intention of taking your sexual relations offline and into a real bedroom.

Naturally, there's also Instagram's focus on what "your best angle" does for your sex life. The platform leads us to believe that our bodies can all look fantastic, given the right lighting, camera angle, and filter. You can post very sexually suggestive photos that conjure up ideas of your sexual competency and prowess. When you're actually having sex, you can't control lighting, angles, and filters. You can't see yourself, you can't edit the way you look. What this does is changes your subconscious sexual connection with somebody, because instead of completely letting go and being in the moment (as the best sex is), Instagram has trained your brain to worry more about visual aesthetics than actual physical pleasure.

Let us not forget how distracting Instagram is to daily surroundings. This also affects your sex life. When you're addicted to scrolling, there's a good chance you'll stop noticing the
things around you – like when your lover is trying to be sexy and get your attention. You become inattentive. You are preoccupied with another world – one that feels very private because it is confined to the palm of your hand – and can stop participating in actual intimate, human interactions because your mind is too obsessed with something happening on an addictive personal device.

If any of this rings true to you, it's time for an Insta-break. Temporarily disable your profile, and delete the app from your phone for now. You can re-install it later and nothing will be lost. Except maybe the self-consciousness, anxiety, and pressure you have put on your sexual self.