Sex and the thoughts, feelings, adequacies, and inadequacies that are associated with it on our minds, consciously and subconsciously, all the time. To think about sex is to be alive.
Despite my personal feelings of hesitation around true meanings of sex dreams, let's indulge in what others say a little bit.
My dreams are always an abstract continuation of my thoughts in daily life, which is a common way to dream. I find when I am feeling insecure or inadequate, for example, I tend to dream of my exes, perhaps because my experiences with them is what taught me the most about personal (and interpersonal) failings.
When exes feature in sex dreams, it's never positive or lustful but rather my brain perhaps trying to remember what it was like to be young and naïve.
Sex dreams about faceless strangers are also very standard. I have these on occasion too.
By faceless, I don't mean they have no face or head, but rather it is not distinguishable in your dream. Random or a series of dreams about sex with faceless strangers may symbolise that you want to be more authoritative or assertive in your daily life, or that you're open for new experiences that have nothing to do with sex.
As I surmised, I'm pretty confident that your brain is just continuing its thought process in an unexpected way when you have an erotic dream.
Read more: • Lee Suckling: How to bring up kinky things with your partner
Then there are sex dreams about your best friend, a classmate from your school years, maybe even a co-worker. I don't think I've had this type, but many people do. It purportedly means you admire something about the person you're dreaming of, not that you are secretly attracted to them.
I also think it's probably because – positively and negatively – that person makes or has made you feel a certain way and that feeling is being mirrored somewhere else in your life at present.
As for the dream that freaks lots of people out? Sex with someone of a gender you're not usually inclined towards is at the top. I've had heterosexual sex dreams and woken up worried I'm becoming attracted to women.
Lots of straight guys have sex dreams about other guys and the same goes for straight girls – but none of this means we have an untapped sexual curiosity hiding away.
Dream analysts believe sex dreams about those of the same sex (if you're straight) or the opposite sex (if you're not) means you're learning to appreciate yourself, and maybe you're incorporating aspects about your dream partner into yourself.
Dream interpretation is a fickle experience. I try to take my dreams – sexual and otherwise – with a grain of salt. It's not always easy to do because vivid dreams can have a strong emotional impact, but it's always quite short-lived.
Whatever you're dreaming about, dreams are no crystal ball. Don't let their possible meanings keep you up for the following night's sleep.
