So begs the question, "do you know what consent is?"
Most think they do know. Until writing this column, I thought I knew. It's the direct verbal action of asking somebody "are you sure?" and receiving a positive affirmation to proceed with sexual relations. Somebody telling you verbally, according to charitable youth organisations such as Reach Out, is "the only way to know for sure if someone has given consent".
However, there's a problem for many of us here. When you recall your sexual encounters over, say, the last five years, how many times have you actually asked somebody out loud, "are you sure?" To be quite honest, I don't think I've ever asked, at least not as explicitly as is advised.
Does this make me a sexual offender? I'd argue no, purely because I've never found verbalising consent necessary. Instead I've relied on physical cues, mutual body language, and so on.
I can only surmise that the British university student who rejects the invitation to receive sex consent lessons has had only similar experiences to me, hence his dismay at the assumption he needs them.
While I'd love to say, "chances are, most of you feel the same", one in five young women have serious grounds to say we're all in desperate need of such lessons.
Sexual assault for people of university age is an internationally recognised problem, brought to light most recently by Lady Gaga in her graphic, upsetting, yet powerful music video Til It Happens To You.
Given that - obvious verbal requests aside - we're now in a grey area when it comes to defining adequate sexual consent, it seems we could all probably benefit from an informal tutorial.
First things first: Age of consent. Regardless of one's gender or sexual orientation, the legal age of consent in New Zealand is 16. The belief that the age of consent only applies to females is untrue.
According to Reach Out, there are other verbal ways you can gain consent: "Are you happy with this?", "Do you want to stop?", "Do you want to go further?" are suggestions of ways to ask.
The look on someone's face and their body language, however, can often be just as important - if not more so - in ensuring you're having consensual sex.
Physical signals people often use when they're unsure about a situation (in which cases you should always stop and talk) include: stiffening muscles, not responding to the way you touch them, pushing you away, crossing their arms or holding them around their own bodies, hiding their face, or turning away from yours.
Drug-facilitated sexual assault, whereby one party gives the other drugs or alcohol in order to compromise his or her ability to give consent, is an obvious example of malicious, illegal behaviour.
However this doesn't have to involve date-rape drugs, which can include prescription drugs such as sleeping pills, anxiety medication, and muscle relaxers, and street drugs such as GHB, ecstasy, and rohypnol (commonly known as a "roofie"). Plying somebody with alcohol in order to "loosen them up" could very well conclude in the legal definition of sexual assault. We should all be very aware of this, even though societally it's much more acceptable.
Even if one party hasn't intentionally been drugged by the other, alcohol and drugs affect our ability to make decisions and give consent. If somebody is so drunk or high they don't know what's going on around them, then this too constitutes sexual assault because they can't give informed consent.
We also should not assume that only women are susceptible to sexual assault. It happens to men, too: A 2014 study by the US's Bureau of Justice (surveying 40,000 people) found 38 per cent of victims who had been sexually assaulted in their lifetime were male.
Many other studies, including one by the US's Centre for Disease Control, have found that one in six men experienced sexual assault before he was 18.
As a response to such statistics, last week the Swedish hospital Södersjukhuset opened the world's first clinic exclusively for male victims of rape and sexual attacks (to counterbalance its existing women's facility, in a bid to ensure gender-equal patient care for victims).
No matter how well-informed you think you are, we all need to update ourselves on what sexual consent really is. If not for ourselves, we need it to help the one in five university-aged women who will be sexually assaulted this year, and the one in six boys who will suffer the same horrific fate.
Without education, there's little hope in lowering those statistics next year. I think that's worth offending a few uni lads who don't want to attend a couple of informative classes.
Where to get help:
If it is an emergency and you or someone you know is at risk, call 111.
• Women's Refuge: 0800 733 843
• Victim Support: 0800 842 846
• Lifeline: (09) 522 2999
• Family Violence Info Line: 0800 456 450
