Lee Suckling: The problem with your winter pyjamas

Is there not a more flattering option than the current styles of pyjamas? Photo / Getty Images

It's officially pyjama season.

I know this because I was at the supermarket last night at 5.30pm and saw someone in a pink and baby blue onesie. What possesses a person to leave to go out in public, before dark has fallen, in their PJs, is beyond me. I feel sheepish merely running to the mailbox in mine.

Let's face it, nobody is trying to look good in pyjamas. We're trying to be warm and comfortable. I get that, except when you're browsing the confectionery aisle at Countdown. Then all you're telling the world is that you've given up.

Why do PJs have to be so ugly? Let's start with the flannel, quite possibly the least sexy and least flattering material on the planet. Flannel, and its cousin flannelette (which Google tells me is "imitation flannel"), is a thick, knobbly cotton that is supposed to be soft and – as the Danish would say – "hygge". In reality, after several washes, it pills and looks manky. Something you'd relegate to your dog in their kennel, not put on your own body.

There's also the style and cut of pyjamas. I think a pair of PJ bottoms can look decent (especially if you're a guy drinking your morning coffee in them with no shirt on), but the matching set with a top is a fashion crime. A pyjama "shirt", complete with buttons all the way up and a collar or weird lapel, makes anybody look either nine months or 90 years old. Either way, it's the kind of garment you associate with porridge being dribbled down the front of it.

The boxy fit of PJs is bothersome too. I'm not suggesting anybody designs a skinny-jean version of the PJ pant, because these are for sleeping comfortably after all. But must pyjamas be so wide? How many people do they think need to fit in there? I had a pair once with a leg-width so wide it covered my entire foot.

My real gripe with the ugliness of pyjamas, and what I think prevents so many people from wearing them (and instead going for trackies or just underwear), is the prints. Browse the sleepwear aisle of any department store and there are basically two options: tartan, or cartoon characters. What adult wants to be head-to-toe in either? Even the most patriotic of Scots knows tartan only works in small doses, and nobody over age 12 should have Tweety Bird plastered on their chest.

Do plain colours not sell very well in nightwear? How about a nice solid navy, or a chic, Diane Keaton-esque neutral tone? Why are we forced to look so garish and infantile? Maybe the point of PJs is not to get laid, and that's fine. Yet I think there has to be some sort of middle ground where you can be comfy, temperature-controlled, and not look like your sex life has closed up shop for colder months.

I know what most people out there are thinking. It doesn't matter what you look like when you're sleeping. We're all just drooling on our pillows anyway. Yet in wintertime, when there are several hours between darkness and bedtime, pyjamas are like your second outfit of the day.

I want to finish work, have dinner, take a shower, and laze in my PJs for the rest of the night. I want to feel snug and look just a little bit cute. Is it too much to ask that I not appear like an old codger named Morris or a strung-out dad fetching the newspaper from the lawn?