Complete denial of the existence of dating apps
Naiveté around modern romance is strong for a Kiwi WASP. Modern WASPs will accept any couple's origin story, no matter how bizarre, on the basis it has nothing to do with acknowledging Tinder as a reality. Of course Susan played hard to get and didn't flick Michael nudes within the first five messages.
No, Brad didn't know what he was getting with Joe when they met at the perfectly normal time of 2:30am. Couples still just bump into each on Parnell Road then marry, don't they? Romance will forever be alive as long as discretion is drilled into baby WASPs from a young age.
No eye contact
Modern Kiwi WASPs aggressively avoid eye contact with anyone who may ask for money, knowing full well they'll give it to them out of politeness otherwise. It doesn't matter whether they're a charity-collecting bucket jingler, a physical trainer stalking the gym, or the CookieTime cookie vendor. You know you're a WASP if you avoid getting into engagements that might result in the exchange of money for goods and services, because you'll buy stuff even without wanting it just to avoid the social imposition of saying "no".
Discretion when it comes to wealth
Because these are New Zealanders at heart after all, boasting isn't the done thing. Kiwi WASPs haven't fallen behind modern social norms, it's more that they haven't changed their views on the vulgarity of showing off. That means no visible labels (the Louis Vuitton bag is for international travel only), never the latest model car (a 2014 BMW or Audi will suffice), and definitely no diamonds anywhere except one's ring finger or ears.
A food intolerance
A dietary intolerance (or three) is an accepted way of life for the modern WASP. Irritable Bowel Syndrome is never ignored by the Kiwi WASP – it's why the "heath foods" section of New World now occupies an entire kilometre-long aisle. Want to sell cheese without dairy, chocolate without sugar, or croissants without gluten? Your target market is, and will forever be, the modern WASP.
A fridge without real food
One modern trait that is something of a rub with other cultures is the WASPish attitude to condiments. The WASP-y fridge is always filled, but only ever with chutneys and relishes to go on any meal. Don't be surprised if you're a guest in a Kiwi WASPs house and all they can offer you is Mother Earth jam, Ruth Pretty quince jelly, or if a friend has recently been to the UK, Fortum & Mason's mint sauce. Everything else gets bought and eaten on the day (another reason New World is doing so well: the WASP inability to do a proper weekly shop).
Always a bottle of hand-san
Kiwi WASPs travel with their germaphobia on their sleeves, and their hand sanitiser is always within grabbing distance. They're also known to wipe down surfaces in public bars, their desks at the office, and even the seats of airplanes before they sit down. (Another identifier of the modern Kiwi WASP: they start any long-haul flight with sedatives and a drink. Nothing says WASP like a champagne in economy class, and the slumped sleeping posture of a Zopiclone.)
A manicured hand to the pearly throat
Where once WASPs were identifiable by their tri-colour Tommy Hilfiger polos and willingness to re-gift presents, the modern Kiwi WASP's traits have evolved because being an obvious WASP isn't very popular anymore. Keep an eye out for those pearls, though. WASP sensibilities and style may have (slightly) modernised, but the knee-jerk habit of clutching what's around their neck remains.
