Lee Suckling: Should you remove your shoes when entering someone’s home?

You either grew up in a home where it was okay to wear shoes inside, or it wasn't, writes Lee Suckling. Photo / Getty Images

OPINION:

Did you come from a shoes-off house, or a shoes-on house? I’ve found this question dictates adult social etiquette when it comes to arriving at other people’s homes.

There are two types of people who might cross your threshold. There’s those who instinctively take off their shoes without asking, often starting a trend if there’s a group gathering (and others follow suit). Then, there’s the people like me who never think of taking my shoes off unless asked, or peer-pressured by the aforementioned shoe party at the doorstep.

See, I grew up in a shoes-on house. Nothing in our family home was too precious, and nor were we afraid of outside bacteria and germs back in the 90s. Mum never asked me and my brothers to remove our shoes when coming inside, so I’ve taken that into adulthood.

This contrasts with many of my friends, who instinctively take their shoes off when they come over. In fact, sometimes they knock on my door already in their socks, shoes in hand. They’re more polite than me, I surmise, before telling them they don’t have to take their shoes off at all.

What I never tell them is this: I prefer guests to keep their shoes on at my place. Here’s why.

I hate feet. I really do. Long toenails on other men are the worst. I can’t stand looking at crusty soles, and I have a fear of warts coming anywhere close to me. I’m hypersensitive to another person’s bodily smells, so sweaty socks gross me out too.

No one likes seeing shoes piled up in a doorway, writes Lee Suckling. Photo / Getty Images

Also, when you’re having people over it’s a nuisance to wade through a sea of shoes to get in and out. As someone who takes a lot of pride in my interior design, it also looks ugly. It ruins the intentionally calm ambience of my hallway.

Not to mention the fact I appreciate that when some people leaves the house, it’s with style. They have put on their clothes to create a look - or rather, a LEWK - from head to toe. Shoes are an integral part of that, and it can make a person feel naked and incomplete without them.

I would never want to deny anyone the full experience of turning a lewk, because some days, wearing a great outfit is what makes a bad day a good one. When all else has gone to hell, you at least feel fierce. Competent. Capable. And ready to bounce at any moment, which is valuable for anyone with social anxiety, who hates parties.

You don’t feel quite so adept when you’re forced to show your mis-matched socks or hairy toes, do you? That lack of confidence takes you down a notch. Personally, I feel quite vulnerable without shoes.

But because I’m not a monster, I will take my shoes off in others’ homes when asked, of course. Culturally, it’s the done thing for many, especially those of Māori, Asian, and Middle Eastern backgrounds. In fact, there’s an entire Wikipedia page dedicated to the countries in which one is expected to take off their shoes at the door.

I draw the line, though, at being asked to put on communal “house shoes”, slippers, slides, or anything else another person has worn before me. I’m sorry, that is nasty. Nobody washes those things. It’s like kissing strangers while blindfolded.

I can also appreciate why people want you to take your shoes off. Scientifically, it’s the safer thing to do. “We know that about 96 percent of shoes have faecal coliforms and some pathogens such as E.coli,” Professor Mark Taylor, chief environmental scientist in Victoria, Australia, told RNZ in relation to a 10-year study on the germs on the soles of your shoes.

“These are not diseases that are necessarily going to kill us, they’re gonna make us sick. And what we’re advocating is a preventative approach to limit that unnecessary exposure.”

However, putting aside the case for building natural immunity through exposure (an argument I won’t get into because it has been commandeered by anti-vaxxers), it is notable that most of those germs will be cleaned up with a quick vacuum/mop. This is what I always do after guests leave my place anyway.

Whether you intuitively take off your shoes or not when entering a home might be entirely dependent on how you were raised, yet that doesn’t solve our modern conundrum. When you’re just not sure, to remove or not to remove?

Here’s my best advice. Do whatever the host is doing. If you’re greeted at the door by someone in bare feet, take your shoes off. If they’re rocking a Louboutin pump or a cute loafer, you can most definitely keep your shoes on. Deferring to the homeowner is the only way to not be considered rude. And it will ensure you’re actually invited back.