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Home / Lifestyle

Lee Suckling: How to tell if someone's on steroids

Lee Suckling
By Lee Suckling
Lee Suckling is a Lifestyle columnist for the NZ Herald.·Herald online·
6 Nov, 2017 06:53 PM4 mins to read

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The people on steroids in 2017 just look strong and fit, and they're trying to look stronger and fitter, quicker. Photo / Getty Images

The people on steroids in 2017 just look strong and fit, and they're trying to look stronger and fitter, quicker. Photo / Getty Images

Lee Suckling
Opinion by Lee Suckling
Lee Suckling is a Lifestyle columnist for the NZ Herald.
Learn more

The concept of steroids seems a bit 1980s. It conjures up images of Arnold Schwarzenegger-types, lime green lycra, and bacne.

Steroids are back, in a big way. In the last five years, New Zealand Customs has reported a 385 per cent increase in illegally imported steroids - last year it seized 626 substances at our borders.

So who's on them? Looking around my gym, it'd be easy to assume it's the massive blokes that weigh 120kg and emit that rotten coconut smell of fake tan. But it's probably not the bodybuilders and professional athletes and guys that explode out of their XXL-sized Under Armour. It's the everyday Joes (and some Janes, too) looking for gains.

Twenty-first Century steroids are oral or injectable chemical substances that encourage muscle growth and cause fat to melt off your body. In the United States and Britain, steroid use has been described an "epidemic"; popular amongst not just lawyers and bankers but IT guys, plumbers, and club rugby players too.

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via GIPHY

Such users don't look like John Cena, Dwayne Johnson or Ronda Rousey. They don't have five per cent body fat. Their biceps probably are not even busting out of their t-shirt sleeves. The people on steroids in 2017 just look strong and fit, and they're trying to look stronger and fitter, quicker.

Whilst getting them through customs is the hard part, buying steroids isn't a difficult feat. They're all over the internet; from websites explicitly marketing them to random comments on social media pages offering to hook anybody up in any corner of the earth.

When you're buying online, of course, you have no idea what you're really buying. Drug Free Sport NZ says this is the biggest public health risk of steroids in New Zealand: you order one drug, but what you actually put into your body is something else that you'll never actually know.

Whether a user is on your Instagram feed, or on the bench press across from you, Men's Health magazine advises there's one easy way to start suspecting somebody is on steroids: look to the past. That is, if you look at bodybuilders and fitness models from the 1960s and earlier - aka the pre-steroid era - you'll see what all-natural gains usually look like. When somebody is "extremely lean but substantially bigger than pre-steroid-era bodybuilding champions, he's probably using drugs those guys didn't have," the magazine says.

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Those bigger-and-quicker-than-usual results are just the intentional effects of steroid use, however. Many of the tells are in the unintentional side effects.

When you increase the testosterone in your body, you stop producing it. When done in excess, it converts to other hormones like estrogen. The result is the most common side effects of steroid use: shrunken testicles, and enhanced glandular breast tissue. Guys can also see hair loss and benign prostatic hyperplasia (an enlarged prostate that restricts urine flow).

In women using steroids, the side effects are reversed and the most common sign is a deep, hoarse, croaky voice. This is what happens when females take anabolic-androgenic steroids, which have both anabolic (muscle growth) effects and androgenic (masculinising) effects.

While adult acne is not uncommon in the general population, it's also a side effect of steroid use. It is particularly seen on a user's back, but not exclusively - acne can appear on high sebum-producing places like the face and neck, for example, because the body's hormones are as messed up as those of the average teenager.

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Other signs include a distended stomach (despite countless gym hours, a beer belly remains), stretch marks (again, these are common in many people but will often be seen in steroid users because their body has grown too fast), greasy hair follicles, persistent bad breath, jaundice (skin yellowing), joint paint, mood swings, hostility, irritability and nervousness, depression, sleeping problems, and even hallucinations, paranoia, and delusions.

There's also the effects on sex drive. Men on steroids often lose sexual function and also remain sterile for months, sometimes years, after stopping the drug use.

If you suspect somebody is on steroids, there are also some observable social changes they might exhibit. Withdrawal from social interaction is common, as is taking naps, lack of concentration at work, and changes in their approach to their finances (e.g. money being unaccounted for). They probably also receive frequent plain-packaged courier parcels.

This isn't to say that someone exhibiting some of these signs means you should go accusing them of steroid use. Despite being dangerous and illegal, it's usually up to the steroid user themselves to recognise the harm in what they're doing.

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