Lee Suckling: How to ask someone to leave after sex

Perhaps if I start reading he'll get the idea and take off. Photo / Getty Images

We've all been there. It's a weekday morning and a date came home with you last night. Maybe you've just had sex and are wondering if they want to stay over. Maybe they did spend the night, but now it's 6.30am and you need to hustle and get your life together.

This is a touchy logistical experience in any casual sex life. Whether you're male or female, asking somebody to leave makes you look like, well, a prick.

This conundrum is one I have no steadfast solution for. It's probably the most mentally complicated part of having an active sex life.

Let's add a little personal history here. When I was single I never really liked it when people I slept with stayed over. It's for basic reasons: I can't get to sleep with somebody new in my bed. I just end up lying there most of the night because I haven't been able to follow my typical sleep hygiene routine and remain pumped up on the adrenaline of the night.

This is a lesser concern, but a valid one because it has eventuated in my adult life. I'm a little afraid when you bring someone you don't know home that they'll steal from you. Not the "case-the-joint" (e.g. to return later with two burglar friends and big black bags) kind of stealing. More like you'll find your watch missing or $40 gone from your wallet. The kind of stuff that takes days to notice. Seriously, it happens. It has happened to me twice.

For others, it could be about the intimacy of sleeping together (with emphasis on the sleep). Sleep is something some like to have an emotional connection for first. Or, maybe you just like your mornings. You just want to be left in silence so you can have your cup of coffee and get to your morning poop alone.

If you find yourself in any of the above situations, don't despair. You're here for sex advice, so I'm going to give it to you. My method isn't perfect but it works – it just requires some planning.

For starters there is one thing you absolutely cannot do. You can't ask somebody to leave your bed when they're still in it. You might as well yell, "I'm done with you, get out!"

It's that rude.

In order to avoid having somebody stay over after sex, you should pre-warn them with something along the lines of, "It's a school night, I hate that I can't stay up with you too late tonight." You all putting all impetus on your personal regret that it must be this way. You are also inferring that you plan on sleeping alone tonight and getting on with your normal schedule tomorrow. Say this to your date at the end of dinner/drinks (i.e. BEFORE they are at your house).

When the heat is being turned up later in the evening (say you're making out on your couch) there's another important movement to make. Stop yourself from jumping into bed and ask, "Since you can't stay over tonight, could we make plans to meet up again at the weekend?" This is a tried-and-tested way (I've done it) of putting all your cards on the table, without blowing your date off. You are also giving them an early "out" if they decide they don't want to continue, and can henceforth find their way home.

That's your ideal situation. But casual sex isn't ideal, is it? What do you do when there's somebody already in your bed and you really want them out of there? In all honesty, the only thing that I've ever found successful is to say, "Hey babe, we've got to get up, can I make you a coffee before you leave?" Simple, direct, to the point. It can be taken with hostility, but at least you're doing something nice by offering a hot beverage upon departure.

What if they don't want to move? What if they actually say, "Can't I just sleep in while you go to work, and let myself out?" Again, I've been there. It's frustrating as hell. Also, trust me, this is how you get your iPod stolen.

When a date doesn't get all your hints the next day, be frank and tell them you don't feel super comfortable leaving them in the house – say, "sorry, I know I'm neurotic!" to self-deprecate somewhat. Make it light and cheery, gradually guide them to your door (in the cutest ways possible, and give them a peck), and don't forget to lock it behind you.