Saturday, 09 December 2023
KaitaiaWhangareiDargavilleAucklandThamesTaurangaHamiltonWhakataneRotoruaTokoroaTe KuitiTaumarunuiTaupoGisborneNew PlymouthNapierHastingsDannevirkeWhanganuiPalmerston NorthLevinParaparaumuMastertonWellingtonMotuekaNelsonBlenheimWestportReeftonKaikouraGreymouthHokitikaChristchurchAshburtonTimaruWanakaOamaruQueenstownDunedinGoreInvercargill
NZ HeraldThe Northern AdvocateThe Northland AgeThe AucklanderWaikato HeraldBay Of Plenty TimesRotorua Daily PostHawke's Bay TodayWhanganui ChronicleThe Stratford PressManawatu GuardianKapiti NewsHorowhenua ChronicleTe Awamutu CourierVivaEat WellOneRoofDRIVEN Car GuideThe CountryPhoto SalesiHeart RadioRestaurant Hub
Voyager 2023 media awards
Subscribe
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Lifestyle

Kyle MacDonald: What we've misunderstood about the kids of Fraser High

Kyle MacDonald
By
Kyle MacDonald
26 Sep, 2018 07:00 PM3 mins to read
Saveshare

Share this article

facebookcopy linktwitterlinkedinredditemail
More than 100 Fraser High School Students have stormed out of class in protest of their principal's comments about truancy at school.

COMMENT: Confession time: I was a truant. In my final year of school, I was rarely there after lunch on Fridays, never at "study periods" and would just randomly leave school at other times.

Attempts to discipline me weren't very successful, largely because I ignored them and also because I was passing everything, as well as being engaged in other school activities.

Truth was, I wasn't an "entitled little snot", or a "loser". I was really unhappy. My parents had separated. I had peers who were struggling with various issues and a very close friend who had suffered a big loss.

READ MORE: • Fraser High School students stage mass walkout over principal's controversial truancy speech

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

I was miserable and I didn't know what to do about it. Obviously I made it through. It took me a few years (and eventually some therapy) but despite what Fraser High School Principal Virginia Crawford might've predicted, I've never been to prison, been raped, been unemployed, committed or been a victim of domestic violence, committed suicide, or had serious health or drug problems.

What I wanted, now I reflect on it, was someone to ask if I was okay. To see past the wilfully disobedient, sharp tongued persona, and offer to help.

I wanted someone to listen. Not talk at me.

Admittedly, this was nearly 25 years ago now. And I was also fortunate enough to go to a high decile school in a white, middle class area. I had opportunities and resources available to me.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

But even then, if my headmaster had stood up at an assembly and told me that as a "truant" I was likely to end up failing at life - not to mention being raped and abused - unless I bucked up my ideas, I would've walked out too, and joined the protest.

Now I have no doubt that Virginia Crawford meant well when she tried to point out what truancy can lead to. And she certainly has had plenty of support for her "tough love"-style speech: albeit from rather predictable quarters.

But when are we going to wake up and realise that yelling at kids who are struggling is not only unhelpful, it's dangerous?

How many of the 137 young people, under the age of 25, who died by suicide last year were told exactly the same things Virginia Crawford said by the caring adults in their lives?

Related articles

World

Why this man stole the identity of a dead 8-year-old

22 Jun 10:06 PM
Lifestyle

When work and parenting catch you out red-handed

05 Jul 08:48 PM
Lifestyle

Important manners to teach your kids before age 10

07 Jul 02:42 AM
Lifestyle

Why is mental health therapy in Auckland so expensive?

18 Jul 07:00 PM

How many of those 137 were called "losers" and "entitled little snots"?

We, the adults, the teachers, the headmasters, the parents and even the broadcasters and newspaper columnists need to shut the hell up and stop telling young people what's wrong with them.

We need to stop trying to scare them into obedience.

We need to shut up and listen.

Because telling students who are struggling that their lives are going to get worse is not only ineffective, it is depriving them of hope. And without hope, why would anyone turn up to class and strive for a better future?

Or indeed, dare to believe they have a future at all.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Where to get help:

• Lifeline: 0800 543 354 (available 24/7)
• Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
• Youthline: 0800 376 633
• Kidsline: 0800 543 754 (available 24/7)
• Whatsup: 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm)
• Depression helpline: 0800 111 757 (available 24/7)
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.

Saveshare

Share this article

facebookcopy linktwitterlinkedinredditemail
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
Lifestyle

What’s on the menu? Eating from your garden at Christmas time

08 Dec 07:00 PM
Premium
Lifestyle

'Why do you have to be so useless?': How Christmas changes when kids become teens

08 Dec 07:00 PM
Lifestyle

'Feels like home': The beauty queen who rebuilt her life after a tragedy

08 Dec 05:00 PM
Premium
Lifestyle

Whalebones, bikinis and a throne: New Zealand design history in 110 chairs

08 Dec 04:00 PM

If you’re doing any of these, no wonder you’re not sleeping well

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Lifestyle

Premium
What’s on the menu? Eating from your garden at Christmas time

What’s on the menu? Eating from your garden at Christmas time

08 Dec 07:00 PM

Grow and enjoy your own Christmas veges, even in Aotearoa's unpredictable weather.

Premium
'Why do you have to be so useless?': How Christmas changes when kids become teens

'Why do you have to be so useless?': How Christmas changes when kids become teens

08 Dec 07:00 PM
'Feels like home': The beauty queen who rebuilt her life after a tragedy

'Feels like home': The beauty queen who rebuilt her life after a tragedy

08 Dec 05:00 PM
Premium
Whalebones, bikinis and a throne: New Zealand design history in 110 chairs

Whalebones, bikinis and a throne: New Zealand design history in 110 chairs

08 Dec 04:00 PM
A different kind of board meeting
sponsored

A different kind of board meeting

About NZMEHelp & SupportContact UsSubscribe to NZ HeraldHouse Rules
Manage Your Print SubscriptionNZ Herald E-EditionAdvertise with NZMEBook Your AdPrivacy Policy
Terms of UseCompetition Terms & ConditionsSubscriptions Terms & Conditions
© Copyright 2023 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP