Kyle MacDonald: I’m in my 50s and disillusioned with my life, what should I do?

Creating meaning is key to maintaining a healthy and satisfying life. Photo/Getty

Q I’m feeling a bit disillusioned, my kids have left home and it all feels a bit work, home, sleep. I’m only in my 50s and I do like my job - I don’t want to make radical changes and I don’t feel depressed as such - any suggestions?

A Everybody needs a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Some people are lucky enough to find that in their work. For others, it is found in raising a family and seeing our progeny off into the world. Wherever you find it, meaning is vital for a full life and it sounds to me like this is what you feel is perhaps missing, or maybe if not missing, at a low ebb.

Kids gone and a career that has perhaps plateaued - or at least not challenging enough. These are normal challenges in our 50s. I believe you’re right to not want to make radical changes, perhaps thinking about what you could add to your life, rather than what you can take away or alter, is a useful path.

I began my counselling and psychotherapy career at Lifeline. It was a great way to gain experience and training and while the work was voluntary, I saw it as a way to pay for my training and the experience I needed as I studied. I was, however, very much in the minority, in that apart from a handful of students such as myself, your average Lifeline volunteer was north of 50 and wanted to give back.

Contributing, or giving to others, is a great way to create meaning. The ability to be altruistic seems to be one of the ways that humanity has made it this far. Even though it can be easy to be cynical and feel like it is in short supply these days, the fact that society works at all is down to the fact we are capable of considering the well-being of others not related to us and helping each other out.

Giving to others is also a great way to improve our overall well-being and emotional health and is even more vital if we’re struggling with something in our own lives. When we get distressed, lost or otherwise overwhelmed, pushing ourselves to look outside ourselves and consider another situation, or better yet do something to help, shifts our perspective and focus away from ourselves. It’s more than just a distraction though because it creates that sense of meaning.

So, my suggestion would be to find something you care about, that lines up with your values and what’s important to you and give some of your time, effort and skills over to helping.

It doesn’t even have to be a lot of time, whatever you can manage. And it does have to be something that you care about but it doesn’t have to be counselling people, or otherwise what we might deem as “virtuous”.

While meaning in life is something that can seem big and deep, it’s really just allowing ourselves to express our own values and what is important to us. It may be deeply personal but coming together with others who share the same values can be hugely rewarding.