The semi-retired 75-year-old has been embracing his inner child on weekly babysitting duty. Photo / Hagen Hopkins
The Weekly columnist is besotted and tells why the kids deserve a Fair Go!
Last week, Kevin Milne was forced to go into hiding.
Admittedly, it was more a self-imposed situation. The popular broadcaster didn’t want to go out in public and have to fend off curious stares or comments from people wondering if he’d got into a fight or asking, “What on earth happened to your forehead?”
You see, the semi-retired 75-year-old had been embracing his (raucous) inner child on weekly babysitting duty and had got carried away making his grandson Benny, two, roar with laughter.
After putting saucepans on their heads to wear as funny hats, Kevin then found a colourful propeller-type toy that’s designed to stick on a bench or window.
“Except I thought it’d be funny to stick one on my forehead,” he smiles sheepishly.
“It was a great success and I kept it on for half an hour. But, of course, once I ripped it off, I had this big, round purple mark on my head because I’m on blood thinners and I bruise very easily. I decided to stay inside for a few days!”
After having raised their four children, Kevin and wife Linda, 67, had been waiting eagerly for the milestone of becoming grandparents. They just weren’t sure if it was ever going to happen.
“Our eldest son Alex [41] and third son Jake [34] are pretty wild characters based in London, and still living life like they’re 21-year-olds,” shares the long-time Weekly columnist.
“Neither of them are currently in relationships. Our daughter Tommie [23] is studying to be a sonographer and I’d love to think I’d still be around when she has children.
“So it was our second son Rory [38] and his partner Emma [33], who have brought us into a new era of our lives, making us grandparents to Benny and little five-month-old Riggs.
“We’re just absolutely besotted by them,” he beams. “I can’t get over how much I love them to bits. It is what our lives are all about now.”
One day a week, Kevin and Linda head off early from their home in Raumati Beach on the Kāpiti Coast and drive for 40 minutes down to Rory and Emma’s place in Upper Hutt to go and babysit for the day.
And once the front door opens, little Benny flings himself into Nana and Stumps’ arms. (Yes, Stumps).
“Ludicrous, isn’t it!” remarks Kevin on his unique grandparent name. “People may think it’s because of my build – I’m a bit on the stumpy side – or because I enjoy cricket.
“But Rory nicknamed me Stumps when he was about 10 after watching a TV cartoon called The Ren & Stimpy Show. Rory made a mistake of calling me Stumps instead of Stimps!
“When trying to think of what my grandsons could call me, I thought wouldn’t it be lovely if Benny were to start calling me Stumps as well. And you know what, I rather love it!”
Part-time kindergarten teacher Linda says after having their daughter Tommie later in life after an 11-year gap, she’s learned to simply just be “present” in those preschool years.
“When we had the three boys, it was like this whirlwind of busy-ness,” she explains. “Then when Tommie came along, I realised how quickly their early childhood goes. It taught me to just chill, take time to smell the roses, and not tear around.
“For example, Benny and I went for a long walk yesterday – we call it our hīkoi [walk], which he thinks is a hilarious word – and we just walked really slowly along the road looking at daisies and drains. It sounds a bit twee really, but it’s about not rushing and following Benny’s lead.
“We also take him to playcentre. After we get home, he often doesn’t want to be read to, but he prefers to sit side-by-side, looking at books together.
“Then I sing him the national anthem in te reo Māori when putting him to bed and his parents say they’ve heard him start to sing it now too.”
As the Weekly chats over Zoom, it’s easy to see how excited the pair get talking about their “grandies”.
Before the youngsters came along, Kevin mentions they thought their friends with grandchildren spoke about them “twice as much as they needed to”. Now he gets it.
“I finally understand their personal delight,” he admits. “Most of my mates have joked to me, ‘Please don’t bore us with photos or stories about your grandsons’ and I think that’s a fair point.”
So is he guilty of pulling out his phone and showing photos? “Absolutely – guilty as charged!” exclaims Kevin. “I don’t care if they tell me they’re not interested and walk away. I accept it’s all for me – to get my phone out and take another look at my grandchildren.
“However, the most astonishing thing about becoming a granddad is nothing to do with the kids. It’s to do with my own son. I can’t believe how much Rory’s changed and I’m so proud of how he’s adapted to fatherhood.
“He was never one for children and always judged it on what other people’s kids were like. So he wasn’t all that keen. I was a bit nervous he was not going be that great as a parent, but he’s been absolutely superb.”
The former Fair Go host remembers a very poignant conversation when his own grandfather told him how wonderful Kevin’s father was.
“I’ll never forget that, actually,” he shares. “It was just after my dad had died from a heart attack on my 15th birthday. I had gone around to my granddad’s house and he sat down with me – we’d never discussed anything serious at all before.
“But he used the occasion to tell me what a great man my father was. I loved that! As youngsters, we only think about our parents as being special to us. Then at some stage, it becomes apparent our parents are loved by many others.
“I’m looking forward to the day – and I won’t wait until Benny’s 15 – to tell him what a wonderful person his father is. I might even tell him the story of how his parents met via a dating app!”
Needless to say, there are many things Kevin is looking forward to sharing with his grandsons.
Although he can’t see himself taking them on uphill hikes, Kevin – who underwent open-heart surgery 20 years ago – will continue to train at the gym to be able to play backyard cricket and throw a frisbee on the beach.
“I can’t wait to show Benny my shed – probably in another year or two – which is full of fascinating stuff that I’ve shoved away, like my late brother’s stamp album,” says Kevin.
“We can get the vintage radios going or play with my old, red rotary telephone. Benny loves all machinery and discovering how things work, so he’ll probably be most fascinated by the mousetraps under my workbench, which I’ve set with peanut butter.”
While they describe Benny as “quite serious, insightful with a good sense of humour”, wee tot Riggs is easy-going and smiley, “like his dad”, who was the “gentle sweetheart” of the whole family.
With Christmas coming up, Kevin is already thinking of gifts he wants to lavish on the boys – and the sillier they are, the better.
“I was brought up in a family where our presents were all very sensible – I was given books or clothing,” he says, screwing up his face.
“The best toy I ever got was from a lady across the road. I was about nine and in hospital with pneumonia. She was German – and it really wasn’t long after the war – so I was surprised that she wandered into the hospital to bring me a great big plastic toy rifle.
“I’d have never been given that by my parents and I spent the rest of my time in hospital pinging away at the nurses as they walked past. They didn’t mind at all!”
While Kevin and Linda’s contemporaries may say the best thing about grandkids is being able to give them back to their parents, you get the impression that’s not how the Milnes roll. They just want to keep playing with the boys so they can continue having fun.
“How lucky we are to be so included in Benny and Riggs’ life, when we’ve noticed that some grandparents aren’t,” says Linda. “Or there are a lot of restrictions placed. But it’s an absolute privilege that we can rock up to see them without being invited.”
Kevin continues, “How lucky they are to be born into a family with so much love and support around them because that’s not always the case.
“We get on extremely well with Emma’s parents, who are lovely and just as committed to those kids as we are,” adds Kevin, revealing he has three goals for his treasured role as Stumps. “I want to be the bearer of gifts, maker of silliness and the keeper of secrets.”
Photos: Hagen Hopkins. Hair and make-up: Amanda Kisona. Stylist: Sally-Ann Moffat. Clothing: Flo & Frankie, Rodd & Gunn.
Washington Post: The mindset should be - less fuss, more fun with company.