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Gram Parsons reckoned there should be "a good saloon in every single town". Don't know if chi-chi Herne Bay could have coped with the Grievous Angel's lifestyle but if he was trucking through, he'd appreciate that the good burghers have a unique steakhouse.
Not that Simon Gault's latest venture - opened last week - is steak a la Tony's or the Angus. None of your tenderloin, scotch fillet or sirloin, rare, medium or well done, choice of pepper, bearnaise or Italiano sauce, here.
We are not talking about tossing another steak on the barbie. The menu minutely details 10 varieties of beef. The New York strip is "Black Angus from NSW, finished at the internationally renowned Jindalee feedlot. This prime cut has been dry aged for smoother texture, rich flavour and tenderness."
The Scotch Wagyu, grain-fed for 400 days, is "the foie gras of beef, it literally melts in your mouth". The plastic in your wallet, too: it costs 50c a gram, minimum 200g or $100, and no, you don't get fries with that.
It's not all beef. Duroc-breed pork chop is sourced from Havoc farm on the Hunter Hills in South Canterbury, elk venison "from Mayfield Station in Southland, internationally respected. The elk are twice the size of regular deer. The muscle fibre has a fine grain and is therefore more tender."
Which suggests a healthy interest in the agricultural sector from the clientele, though most look as though the closest they've come to rural activities is gunning the Range Rover through the Avenues.
Based on Gault's nostalgia for the traditional steakhouses of Chicago, Philly and New York, the menu steps outside red meat to Alaskan red king crab, the only place you'll find same in the country. Fair to say, though, that vegetarians would feel only slightly more at home at Clarissa Dickson-Wright's birthday party.
From the front door, Auckland's first fine-dining steak house has a touch of theatre - waiters in starched white shirts and black bowties, damask tablecloths, though I'm not too sure about the 60s Greatest Hits soundtrack.
It's the kitchen where the Grand Ol' Opry meets the Grand Opera House. Gault has imported specialised equipment from America, including a broiler and a slow-roaster that cooks whole prime rib for 12 hours at 60C.
Jude began with that crab, the succulent, steamed white meat packed into the long arm of the claw, forked out and dipped into the three butters beside, garlic, ginger and spicy. Gault's take on French onion soup is a round sourdough loaf packed with gently, sweetly caramelised onions, gruyere melted through the jam.
Mains are largely DIY. Select your steak of choice and it arrives on a vast white plate with, fastidiously served, the accompaniments. Sixteen sauces from a simple syrah and truffle jus to brandy and green peppercorn, spinach and gorgonzola, mushroom truffle béarnaise or, our favourite, fresh horseradish. Up-market comfort food in the veges: spinached creamed with nutmeg, truffle mash and trumpet mushrooms, kumara candied and baked with pecans.
Hard to go past the signature 150-day prime rib, slowly roasted from the night before to tenderness, in queen (200g, $35) or king (1kg, $79) size. Jude's lamb rack was seared deep brown outside, pink and juicy inside, perfection. Reared on Canterbury grass, sweetened for the last couple of weeks on grain (and if all this detail is too much for those of tender sensibilities ... well, beans suffer for tofu, too).
Since this is Carnivore Nirvana, desserts are almost an afterthought. Continuing her mission to hunt down the city's best Vahlrona chocolate recipe, Jude enjoyed an old-fashioned pudding with fresh cream; I cleansed the palate with the sharp, citrus tang of quay lime pie. And left with the thought: There's a lot at steak here.
Address: 70 Jervois Rd, Herne Bay
Phone: (09) 376 2049
Web: jervoissteakhouse.co.nz
Open: From 4pm Sat-Tue and noon Wed-Fri
Food: Fine dining steak house
From the menu: Hot smoked Akaroa salmon, pickled cucumber, horseradish mayo, fried capers $17; Elk venison $37/200g; Baked NY cheesecake $12.50
Vegetarian: See above under "food"
Wine: Eclectic selection
