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Home / Lifestyle

How to get over your ex, according to science

NZ Herald
13 Jun, 2018 07:35 AM2 mins to read

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Breakups suck.

We all find our ways to cope with them but there's no denying that breaking up with someone is not a whole lot of fun and it sometimes involves some serious coping efforts.

Researchers at the University of Missouri-St Louis have analysed three of the main strategies people use to get over relationships when they end.

The experts followed 24 test subjects, aged between 20 and 37 and recently coming out of relationships lasting just under three years.

The subjects were split into four groups that focused on one of three coping mechanisms, plus a control.

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The first group was told to think negatively about their exes, whereas the second one was to accept what happened and acknowledge the love they felt for the person they had broken up with.

The third group focused on things unrelated to their exes, like other people and other experiences.

The fourth group weren't tasked with any method in particular and could use whatever coping mechanism they saw fit.

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The participants were then asked to complete a questionnaire and the team measured their emotional attachment to their exes.

The research team found that all three strategies worked, but all with limitations.

The first group, who was asked to think negative thoughts about their exes, felt less love towards them, but they also ended up in a worse mood.

The second group didn't feel any better and their love for their ex-partners didn't change.

The third group felt happier overall, but the strategy made no difference to how they felt about their ex.

The study concluded that none of the methods should be thought of as long-term solutions as they all seemed to wear off over time.

The key is time as there is no quick fix for a truly broken heart.

"Love regulation doesn't work like an on/off switch. To make a lasting change, you'll probably have to regulate your love feelings regularly," lead author of the study, professor Sandra Langeslag, told Time magazine.

One practical helpful tip for getting over your ex is to write as many negative things about your ex-partner as you can think of once a day. This can be effective at slowly killing whatever love was there.

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