Focusing on small, joyful activities might make you happier than chasing big goals. Photo / 123RF
From donating to charity to eating chocolate, happiness experts share their top tips to add more joy to your life.
How can I be happier? It’s a question we’re all grappling with, according to Paul Dolan, a professor of behavioural science at LSE and author of Happiness by Design.
“Everybody, in one way or another, would like to feel better,” he says.
We’re motivated by the right consequence – to feel good – but we are unwittingly self-sabotaging ourselves in how we go about achieving happiness. We focus on the big things, like losing weight and making more money, when actually a lot of our happiness is found in the small things, he says.
While there’s no one-size-fits-all approach, Prof Dolan and other happiness researchers have shared evidence-backed habits and techniques that can help insert more joy into your life.
“Spend more time doing things you enjoy, and less doing what you won’t,” recommends Dr Michael Plant, the founder and director of the Happier Lives Institute and research fellow at the University of Oxford’s Wellbeing Research Centre.
It may sound obvious but many people are engaging in activities because they think they should enjoy them, when they, in fact, don’t, he says.
“The trick is to pay attention to your experiences. Do you actually enjoy the opera?”
Apply the same principle to your work, where we spend around a third of our life, he says.
“Find a job with tasks you enjoy, supportive colleagues and that does something you think is useful,” he says. “If you can’t find one with all three, look for one with two.”
“We evolved a brain which is biased to focus on negative information and events,” says Prof Hood. “The reason is that it is more strategic to focus on things that might remove you from the gene pool rather than wallow in your positive successes.”
However, keeping these thoughts and feelings in our heads leads to constant rumination and a lack of resolution, which can be a source of unhappiness in our lives, he says.
Noting down any upsetting setbacks in a diary can help to process them.
“Once you have written as many negative aspects of the event as possible, imagine yourself as a friend reading your diary entry, and think of every positive thing you would say as a friend to make yourself feel better,” Prof Hood recommends.
“Over time you will have a record of your setbacks and, on reviewing them, you will be able to realise that you can overcome the problems that you once considered insurmountable.”
“Unless you’re a sociopath, don’t expect to be happy by just focusing on you and your life,” says Dr Plant. Humans need to feel useful and research shows that altruism makes us happier, he notes.
He suggests giving money to a charity that you support.
“Not sure if giving will make you happier? Why not try it and find out? You can always stop.”
“We need other people as much as we need food and water,” says Prof Dolan. “That’s a fundamental aspect of being human.” Spending time with other people is therefore a vital pillar in our happiness.
“If you’re someone who likes being on your own, that’s fine,” he says. “Introverts need time away from people to recharge. But you don’t want to isolate yourself, because that will be physiologically and psychologically harmful.”
“It’d be very hard to flourish as a human being without connection,” he adds.
“Any time you find yourself thinking ‘I’ll finally be happy when [blank]’, you’re probably wrong,” warns Dr Plant. “At least, you are if it relates to success or material goods. It may be true if it’s about spending time with people you love, having a good job, or going to therapy.”
“The thing is, the moment that you achieve something, your attention is directed elsewhere,” Prof Dolan explains. “Something else becomes important. So you’re constantly in this [cycle of] ‘once I get there, I’ll be happy’. And of course, you either never get there, or you get there and something else becomes more important.”
“Don’t get depressed,” Dr Plant says. “This is only half a joke: few things are worse. If you think you’re miserable, you probably are. Talk to your friends and, if it persists, a doctor.”
A GP may recommend therapy or medication. “They aren’t magic cures but, if you’re depressed, there’s almost certainly nothing more cost-effective you could spend your money on to improve your happiness,” he says.
“The best predictor of the effectiveness of therapy is the therapeutic relationship. If your therapist gives you bad vibes, find another and you’ll probably get better results.”
When we think about what would make us happier, it’s often the big things – like losing weight or a career goal – that dominate our thoughts, says Prof Dolan.
However, our greatest source of happiness is actually in the small stuff, he adds.
“There are a list of things that, if you did a little bit of each day, would make you happier: listening to music, going outdoors, spending time with people, helping others, laughing.”
Supposed vices – like eating chocolate and drinking alcohol – can also be a healthy source of happiness, he says. “It’s about finding the right balance between them and consuming them in ways that make us happy.”
There’s always things that could be added to our to-do list, notes Prof Dolan. “It’s like a glass that’s constantly being filled up.”
One thing that may improve your happiness is to create a “done” list that highlights the things you’ve achieved, rather than the things that you still have to do, he says.
“Sometimes, just actually taking a step back and a deep breath and recognising, actually, you know what, I’ve achieved quite a lot – that can make you feel good,” Prof Dolan adds.
Happy experiences are either fun and joyful or give us fulfilment or a sense of purpose, explains Prof Dolan. Striking a balance between the two is key to leading a happier life, he says.
This pleasure-purpose principle can apply to all aspects of our lives, whether it’s the type of TV shows that we’re watching, what we’re doing in our work life or the people that we spend time with, he says. “You want to have some fun conversations but you also want to have some meaningful ones,” Prof Dolan notes.
“Some people are more driven towards pleasure, other people more towards purpose. That’s all fine, but I think it’s a nice framework for thinking about whether you’ve got the right balance of things in your life,” he adds.
Box breathing – a controlled breathing technique used by US Navy Seals to manage acute stress – is a technique that can ease the physical symptoms of stress and therefore leave us happier, says Bruce Hood, a psychologist at the University of Bristol and author of The Science of Happiness.
To try it, visualise a square and move up the side of it while breathing in slowly for a count of four as you fill your chest. Move your attention across the top, holding your breath for a count of four. Then move your attention down the side, breathing out slowly for a count of four. Wait for a count of four moving your attention along the bottom of the square, then begin the cycle again.
Box breathing works by triggering the body’s parasympathetic system, which counteracts the physical effects of stress, such as the release of cortisol, adrenalin and an increased heart rate, Prof Hood explains.
This old-fashioned pie is a classic for a reason.