Glover contracted HIV at a sex party and is going public about his disease for the first time. Photo / Supplied
Glover contracted HIV at a sex party and is going public about his disease for the first time. Photo / Supplied
When Grant Glover came out to his family and friends as a teenager, his announcement was met with happiness and pride.
Now, the 36-year-old is having what he calls his "second coming out" - revealing a secret he's kept well-guarded for three years. But this time, not everyone has been so supportive.
Grant has HIV. He contracted the disease by having unprotected sex at a sex party, which sadly earns him little sympathy.
"Very rarely can anyone get a disease and people will turn around and say 'You deserve it," Grant told news.com.au.
"You don't get cancer and have people turn around and say 'You deserve the cancer you've got and you deserve to die'. People don't look at diabetes and say 'You ate lots of cupcake and you got diabetes'," Grant said.
"People don't look at other diseases that way. HIV it's almost on a category all on its own."
Grant is one of the estimated 25,000 Australians living with HIV, most of whom are gay men. (For context, 20 per cent of HIV transmissions in Australia occur through heterosexual sex.)
Grant is fit and healthy. He competes in triathlons and Tough Mudder competitions. He looks perfectly normal.
He takes an antiretroviral pill everyday and is now "undetectable", meaning the levels of HIV in his system are so low that he registers as negative on an HIV test. This significantly lowers the chances of Grant transmitting the virus, but it's not impossible, because HIV is still present in his system.
Grant says he is open with potential partners about his status, but it makes dating and relationships difficult. Photo / Supplied
Next month, he will travel to Papua New Guinea and spend 10 days hiking the infamous Kokoda Trail with 20 other HIV-positive people, along with family and friends. The group wants to challenge the perception that people living with HIV are physically weak.
HIV treatment is readily available and highly effective - most people with HIV live normal, happy lives. But it's the stigma attached to those with the disease that causes the most damage, Grant says.
"I think when you get diagnosed with HIV for a lot of people it's a very isolating experience," he said.
"Who are you going to tell? When are you going to tell them? How are they going to take it? People are quite cruel and harsh.
"I've heard stories from friends where people come up to them at a nightclub and say that they shouldn't be out because of their status.
"It's a disease that mainly affects gay men, so you've got homophobia and you have the taboo of HIV. It's the perfect storm for people to ignore you or treat you badly."
Grant is frequently judged for his status. Photo / Supplied
The process of publicly disclosing his condition has been difficult for Grant. While his close friends and family have been understanding, it's affected his dating life and his employment.
He is open about his status on dating apps and to potential partners, which doesn't always go down well.
"I found that if you disclose your status on your [dating app] profile, you just don't get replies," he said.
"When you're out at a bar, it's not just thinking about 'Do I find this person attractive?' and 'Do we have a connection?', it's also, 'Do I want to disclose my status to this person?'"
Not long after he was first diagnosed, Grant was working at a nightclub, a job he'd held for years.
"Someone had been glassed and we were working to clean it up, among all this broken glass and I stepped back and cut myself," Grant said.
He panicked and told his colleagues to immediately step back and leave the scene. His workplace's first aid policy stipulates that in an emergency, employees must first treat themselves before focusing on other people.
"They wanted to help me but I sent them away and they're like 'No it's a serious cut, you need medical attention' but I said 'I will look after it' and they're like 'No man, that's not the rules'.
"I lost it, I totally flipped it. I said 'I'm the f***ing boss, do what I say'. The next week at work word got around that I cut myself and that I wouldn't let anyone near me, so the rumours started circulating."
"People knew something was wrong and my managers weren't comfortable coming up and talking to me. So I was no longer rostered on and given any shifts."
Since disclosing his disease, some friendships have strengthened and others have fallen by the wayside.
"My circle of friends has changed. You want to be honest with your friends. But during the early days I did distance my from some people because I was scared of what they would think. I wish I had told them earlier, because they've been very loving and caring and supportive," he said.
"When I found out I was undetectable and could no longer pass it on, we had a little party. To celebrate.
"We have the tools to end HIV. We can do it the next five to ten years, but we can't do it if everyone is still gripped with fear. We cant do it if people are too afraid to open up."
