From therapy to hobbies, mothers share their journeys of reclaiming identity after having children. Photo / 123RF
Flamingos, which can lose their bright colour when tending to their young but get it back over time, have been a helpful metaphor for some women in their postpartum experiences.
With five young children, Linnea Chambery had found herself at one of her most challenging points as a mother.
Facing a host of family health issues, including a child with ongoing complications, Chambery and her husband had started to feel as if there was no end to their constant struggles in parenthood. But one day, Chambery came across a social media video discussing – of all things – the colour of flamingos.
In the video, a content creator named Lindsey Gurk said flamingos could lose their pink colour when caring for their young but get it back over time. Using the flamingos as a metaphor for her fellow overwhelmed parents, Gurk reminded them it was temporary and offered advice: “If you’re feeling not quite like yourself, maybe you’re feeling a little bit drained, just keep in mind you’re doing it all for your chicks.”
She soon added: “We are never given more than we can carry, and we will get our pink back”.
At such a dark time, Chambery had found a glimmer of hope.
“It hit me in this moment,” Chambery, now 38 and living in Rochester, New York, said in an interview. “It is going to get better. This is not going to be like this forever.”
What started years ago as a short video has since become a movement, as Gurk has encouraged fellow mums to “get your pink back”.
In recent years, some 5.5 million TikToks about the topic have been posted. There have been thousands of posts on Instagram, long Reddit threads and Facebook groups dedicated to parents finding approaches to feeling better.
And last week, the movement grew to an even greater audience after a conversation on Kylie Kelce’s new hit podcast Not Gonna Lie, in which she and her guest, the content creator and podcast host Allison Kuch, discussed the concept.
A clip of their conversation has amassed more than 900,000 views on TikTok in just a week. In the more than 400 comments, some women described how the “pink back” concept had inspired them to get flamingo tattoos, while others said they wished they had heard about it years ago, when it could have helped them.
The time after having a baby can come with a range of emotions, including the “baby blues” or postpartum depression, anxiety or psychosis, said Dr Catherine Birndorf, the founder and chief executive of the Motherhood Centre of New York.
Although these topics were now more widely discussed than in earlier decades, she said, there were still societal expectations for mothers to act perfectly even as their lives, hormones and bodies were changing.
“You can lose yourself to motherhood,” Birndorf said. “You have to attend to this totally dependent human being, so you lose time, sleep, connection with the outside world, and temporarily you may feel very disconnected from who you were and your whole sense of self.”
It was vital for new mothers to take care of themselves, separately from their identities as parents.
Gurk, who could not be reached for this article, said in an interview with a CBS affiliate last year that she felt “completely lost” as a new parent until she learned about flamingos. Soon after sharing it on social media, the message took off, with mums reaching out to her to relay their postpartum experiences.
In the years that followed, a community formed: mums across TikTok, Reddit, Instagram and beyond were sharing what helped them “get their pink back”. Although the movement doesn’t encourage any specific prescription for feeling like yourself again, or any timeline for how long it should take, women began to offer strategies.
Their suggestions for helping other mums feel closer to their pre-baby selves included returning to former hobbies, exercising, going back to work, or simply showering and getting dressed in the morning.
The movement also became a brand for Gurk, who created a line of “Get your pink back” merchandise, with many items prominently featuring the signature flamingo that inspired her.
One of Gurk’s sweatshirts made its way to Kuch – a gift from her husband, the NFL player Isaac Rochell – when the couple’s daughter was 3 months old. Kuch, 29, has since embraced the movement and used her social media platforms to highlight the concept and share the ways she is rediscovering herself.
“As a mum, you’re constantly pouring out of your own cup, and I think it’s important to also find things to fill it back up,” Kuch said in an interview, adding that the movement inspired her to start working out again, plan trips or take time for herself by simply grabbing a cup of coffee.
Tamie Konzier, a 40-year-old from Pittsburgh, said she felt lost after experiencing postpartum depression when her son was born and then struggling to get pregnant again before having her daughter. But after years of exhaustion, she found a rhythm and a routine with her husband and children, now 10 and 5.
“I know what I need from my partner, I know how to parent my kids, I like what I’m doing in my career – it all just clicked,” Konzier said in an interview. “I’m me again.”
For some, “getting your pink back” meant seeking professional help. Crystal Obasanya, a 30-year-old clinical social worker from Dallas, said she experienced postpartum anxiety after the birth of her son and sought weekly therapy as part of her treatment.
Obasanya, who has shared her gradual journey online as a content creator, said she found the message of “it gets better” to be reassuring.
“This is not an indictment on the rest of your life,” she said of the postpartum period. “You will feel joy again. You will have stability. You will feel regulated again. It’s almost like you’re on a train – you’re just passing by.”
For Chambery, the process took time and involved building confidence as a parent and starting her own business. In some ways, she felt as if she had got her old self back. But there were also new aspects.
“In some ways, I’m brighter,” she said. “I’m constantly evolving, and I just feel grateful for even going through it.”
This article originally appeared in The New York Times.
Written by: Kate Christobek
©2025 THE NEW YORK TIMES
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