Joseph Heller spent his life pranking almost everyone around him. Photo / Monique Heller
Joseph Heller spent his life pranking almost everyone around him. Photo / Monique Heller
An elderly man who was known for pranking everyone and anyone during his life received a hilarious obituary from his family this week.
US man Joe Heller was described as a person who got off on "cheap mischief" and took no prisoners when it came to his antics.
Daughter Monique Heller penned the rather lengthy obituary, highlighting a number of Joe's memorable naughty moments including lacing thieves' food with laxatives.
"Being born during the depression shaped Joe's formative years and resulted in a lifetime of frugality, hoarding and cheap mischief, often at the expense of others.
"Being the eldest was a dubious task but he was up for the challenge and led and tortured his siblings through a childhood of obnoxious pranks, with his brother Bob generally serving as his wingman. Pat, Dick and Kathy were often on the receiving end of such lessons as "Ding Dong, Dogsh*t" and thwarting lunch thieves with laxative-laced chocolate cake and excrement meatloaf sandwiches.
"His mother was not immune to his pranks as he named his first dog 'Fart' so she would have to scream his name to come home if he wandered off."
The 82-year-old was described as a hoarder who has since left his family with a "house full of crap, 300 pounds of birdseed and dead houseplants that they have no idea what to do with".
Monique said that when Joe's daughters began dating boys, he would run a license plate check and check for bald tyres.
If they passed the initial test, he'd welcome them inside to a house full of shotguns, harpoons and sheep nutters.
Joe also embarrassed his wife Irene daily with his potty mouth and offensive choice of clothing.
Heller with his three daughters. Photo / Monique Heller
"To this day, we do not understand how he convinced our mother, an exceedingly proper woman and a pillar in her church, to sew and create the colourful costumes and props which he used for his antics," the obituary says.
With Joe's funeral to take place on September 13, Monique called on friends and family to do their best to offend her father one last time before sending him off.
"No flowers, please. The family is seeking donations to offset the expense of publishing an exceedingly long obituary which would have really pissed Joe off.
"Seriously, what would have made him the happiest is for you to go have a cup of coffee with a friend and bulls**t about his antics or play a harmless prank on some unsuspecting sap. If we still haven't dissuaded you and you feel compelled to waste your hard-earned money to honour his memory feel free to be as late as you'd like as Joe was never on time for anything because of the aforementioned napping habits.
"Joe despised formality and stuffiness and would really be ticked off if you showed up in a suit. Dress comfortably. The family encourages you to don the most inappropriate T-Shirt that you are comfortable being seen in public with as Joe often did."
But before Joe died, he only had one wish with what happened to him when he passed.
"Joe faced his death and his mortality as he did with his life, face on, often telling us that when he dropped dead to dig a hole in the back yard and just roll him in.
"Much to his disappointment, he will be properly interred with full military honours (and maybe Jack) next to his wife on Friday, September 13."
