Justine and Bill now live on a rural property together in Taranaki. Photo / Supplied
Bill Shera loves telling people he’s been married three times – once out of necessity, once for celebration’s sake and once to renew a commitment made 20 years before.
“I let them react before adding, ‘to the same woman’,” the electrical engineer says.
“It’s his favourite story,” adds his wife of 24 years, content creator and My Balance Project founder Justine Shera.
The pair had their first conversation in an online chat room – Bill lived in Canada, Justine in Aotearoa. Despite swearing they weren’t each other’s type, once they started talking, they never stopped.
Now living in Taranaki, the pair have been through redundancies, a long-term health battle, IVF, gastric bypass surgery and distance. The secret, they say, is being strong when the other person can’t.
As part of the Herald’s new series, “How we make it work”, Justine and Bill explain their instant bond, how their son healed them and the phone call that could have bankrupted them.
Neither of us had much when we first met – I was working three jobs: Gardening during the day, delivering pizzas in the afternoon and then I DJ’d at a bar at night.
I’d come home completely wired.
I was introduced to this old chat room called Rob’s Place, and it became part of how I relaxed after work.
One night, someone new popped into the chat with a dramatic arrival, saying something about cartwheels. It was Justine. I jokingly rated it five and a half out of 10 – she took offence and fired back, and that chat just kept going.
A couple of weeks later, she asked for my phone number and the next thing I knew, we were on the phone for eight hours. It was international landline rates – she was in New Zealand, I was in Canada, and this was back when you paid by the minute.
A few hours in, I remember thinking this was completely bonkers and offered to split the bill. Luckily, her local phone company had a long-distance special on with a price cap, otherwise we’d still be paying it off.
Eventually, I realised I’d developed feelings for this voice from the other side of the world, which was new territory for me. I’d always kept a bit of emotional distance from people before that.
When she said she was already heading to the USA to meet a friend, I jokingly suggested she hop up to Canada, fully expecting her to say no. When she said yes, I panicked.
Meeting in person was awkward at the start, and we barely made eye contact. Neither of us was the other’s “type”. I’d always been painfully skinny – the lightest guy on my rowing team, even lighter than the coxswain – big ears, big nose, not exactly confident.
Justine had her own battles with body image from the opposite end of the spectrum. But because we’d already built something real, without appearances first, something just clicked.
Three months later, she moved in with me in a tiny one-bedroom apartment.
Over the years, we’ve been through illness, setbacks, uncertainty and change. But early on, we learned what really matters and what doesn’t.
One of our biggest struggles came when we were trying for years to have our son Aiden. Watching Justine go through IVF was one of the hardest things I’ve experienced – though it was much harder on her. The drugs, the hormones, the emotional toll. She carried it physically and mentally, and all I could do was be there and hold her when she cried. That helplessness was brutal, but it also taught me how strong she is.
But the thing about Justine is that she finds ways to bring light wherever she goes. She’s playful, funny and she loves fiercely. She’s an extraordinary mother and an even better partner.
I asked for Bill’s number in the chatroom and rang him out of the blue, scaring him half to death, but we just talked and talked. From the very beginning, it was easy.
He was gentle, kind, funny and smart. He actually paid attention and was very openly into me, and I wasn’t used to that. But five months later, I made a detour from the US to Canada to meet him, fully convinced it wouldn’t translate in real life.
I also had huge physical insecurities and almost didn’t even go because I didn’t think he would be attracted to me or like me in person. But Bill said something that stuck: It wasn’t up to me to decide how he’d feel. So I went.
When I met him in person, I panicked because he wasn’t my type and I wasn’t his. I basically thought, “Yeah, this is not happening”.
But then we went out to dinner and halfway through the night, I looked up at him, telling me a story and suddenly saw him properly. I remember thinking, “How did I not see how beautiful he is five minutes ago?” And that was it, we fell for each other hard.
When my Canadian visa was about to expire, and every other option fell through, we got married. No money. Thirty people. Cherry blossoms in a Japanese garden at Royal Roads University. Our rings cost less than $30, but it was perfect.
Two years later, we had another wedding in New Zealand, so I could have a big wedding in a white dress. Then, on our 20th anniversary, we had a vow renewal in Canada.
Deciding we wanted kids was the easy part – having them was anything but. I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome), and it took more than four years of fertility treatments before our son Aidan arrived. He’s 15 now and the greatest gift of our lives.
We tried, but we couldn’t have a second child, and that grief was real, but eventually we made the decision to stop trying and felt really empowered that it was our call in the end. Instead, we chose presence and enjoying our little family of three.
There have been battles over the years, but the hardest came recently, when Bill got long Covid.
He couldn’t work, couldn’t help much, couldn’t even stand on the sidelines at Aidan’s sports games – watching him lose that part of himself was devastating.
I became the strong one and the provider, but it nearly broke us both at times. Then he relapsed, without reinfection, and we did it all again. But we got through it together.
We work because we are a unit, we communicate, we give each other space when we need it and we don’t say things we can’t take back. He is also endlessly kind, deeply loyal and still adores me after all these years.
When we got together, we used to sing the song from the movie The Wedding Singer, called I Wanna Grow Old With You. And that’s exactly what I’m looking forward to with Bill – growing old on this beautiful property we’ve built and just being together.