NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Lifestyle

Comfort items: How do we get kids to let go

By Amy Brown
Other·
15 Feb, 2018 04:00 PM5 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

A need for comfort is part of being human, and comfort objects remind us of feeling calm, secure and loved. Photo / Getty Images

A need for comfort is part of being human, and comfort objects remind us of feeling calm, secure and loved. Photo / Getty Images

Many parents will feel a twinge of concern if their 5-year-old can't sleep without his dummy or their teenager refuses to throw out the tattered blanket she's had since she was a baby.

The topic of comfort objects is hotly debated, with some arguing attachment to objects from babyhood is childish, unnecessary or even harmful.

So when should you worry about your child's reliance on comfort items? And how can you encourage them to let go?

The truth is that even adults have attachment objects. How many get comfort from a favourite jumper? Or hoard treasured objects from loved ones without second thought?

A need for comfort is part of being human, and comfort objects remind us of feeling calm, secure and loved. Babies are born wanting to be held close.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

They spend months cuddled and swayed, knowing someone will help soothe their needs. This helps them build feelings of secure attachment to a parent and confidence to go out into the world.

And one day they must make that journey — whether to childcare, school or even just across the room when they start to crawl.

A parent can't always be there to comfort them, but something that reminds them of that security can — a comforter, or, in scientific terms, a "transitional object" that bridges a link between a new situation and the comfort of home.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Although research in the 1940s considered such items a sign of poor attachment, the paediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott later proposed that they were, in fact, the opposite. Rather than being an object to turn to in lieu of love and care, they were a reminder of love and security.

One study found kids with strong bonds to transitional objects have stronger attachment to a parent.

Amy Brown

Although most children grow out of comfort objects by the age of four, later research has continued to back up Winnicott. One study found that kids with strong bonds to transitional objects have stronger attachment to a parent and are happier than those without.

But this effect starts to reverse as children get older. The same study showed that teens who still hold a strong attachment to a transitional object have poorer mental health.

While there is nothing wrong with keeping a comfort blanket for the fond memories it brings, still needing it on a day to day basis as a teenager, or indeed as an adult, could be a sign that something is wrong.

Discover more

Lifestyle

Why my child's lunchbox is my business

14 Feb 06:00 AM
Lifestyle

Kiwis want schools to halt lunchbox police

14 Feb 06:10 AM
Travel

Passenger kicked off flight after complaining about baby

15 Feb 02:24 AM
Lifestyle

Why this actress is defending still breastfeeding her son

21 Mar 07:15 PM

Dummies and bottles

Some comfort objects, however, are better than others. The evidence for using dummies or bottles past 12 months is less positive. Similarly, although babies thumb suck in the womb, if this habit is carried on past a year, problems can arise.

Babies are born with an innate need to suck. When breastfeeding, sucking feeds them, calms them and increases the mother's milk supply. Dummies can help bottle-fed babies to suck and calm themselves.

Sometimes breastfeeding mums use them, but if a baby meets its sucking needs elsewhere, this can reduce milk supply, so they aren't recommended in the first six weeks.

The subject of using a dummy can be divisive. If they're used carefully, they can benefit young babies and are recommended at night as they may reduce Sudden Infant Death Syndrome risk. Sucking can also sometimes help a baby with colic.

But experts recommend babies should be weaned from dummies after six months. Aside from the challenge of weaning an older baby, dummies can introduce harmful bacteria into the mouth. They can also increase the risk of ear infections, and affect how teeth come through.

Allowing children to have a bottle for comfort is also a bad idea. Bottles are naturally associated with comfort due to the combination of food, sucking and being held close. But babies should be slowly weaned off them once they are eating solids and stopped by 12 months. When a baby sucks on a bottle, the milk pools around their teeth and can cause cavities.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

The same does not apply to breastfed babies. There is a lot of difference in pliability between a nipple and a dummy or bottle, meaning less impact on jaw and tooth development.

Nipples are also not kept in the mouth for extended periods. Finally, breastmilk is delivered to the back of the mouth rather than milk pooling around the front teeth meaning a lower risk of cavities.

So those who squirm at the thought of breastfeeding past infancy but encourage a dummy are not only confused in their logic (after all, a dummy is a fake nipple) but the outcomes are potentially worse.

Weaning babies from dummies and bottles is best started early, rather than letting it become an ingrained habit.

Start by removing it during the day and try to offer something positive — more hugs, a book and a cuddle, or a distracting toy if they become upset. Toddlers can be persuaded with sticker charts, or swapping their dummies with the popular "dummy fairy" who brings a new toy for the "big girl or boy" instead.

To wean from bottles, offer babies a cup of water with meals from six months old. Once they have the hang of a cup, slowly swap bottles for cups over a few weeks.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

The night-time one can be the hardest so try to adopt a new routine to calm them which doesn't involve them feeding to sleep.

In short, comfort objects are normal and a great way for small children (and occasionally grown-ups) to calm and soothe themselves, and there is no need to worry about removing them. But once they can walk and talk, stick to the cuddly (or toy car) variety rather than a dummy or bottle — not least for your sanity when it comes to weaning.

• Amy Brown is associate professor of child public health, Swansea University

- The Conversation

Save

    Share this article

Latest from Lifestyle

Lifestyle

Jacinda Ardern's daughter Neve shows 'American twang' in birthday video

Lifestyle

Follow your nose: Where to get your truffle fix in Auckland this winter

22 Jun 10:00 PM
Premium
Lifestyle

My husband was perfect in every way – except in the bedroom. It broke our marriage

22 Jun 06:00 PM

Help for those helping hardest-hit

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Lifestyle

Jacinda Ardern's daughter Neve shows 'American twang' in birthday video

Jacinda Ardern's daughter Neve shows 'American twang' in birthday video

Neve Te Aroha Ardern Gayford turned 7 on June 21, with Clarke Gayford making a 'Jellycat Diner' cake for the occasion. Video / @clarkegayford

Follow your nose: Where to get your truffle fix in Auckland this winter

Follow your nose: Where to get your truffle fix in Auckland this winter

22 Jun 10:00 PM
Premium
My husband was perfect in every way – except in the bedroom. It broke our marriage

My husband was perfect in every way – except in the bedroom. It broke our marriage

22 Jun 06:00 PM
Premium
A new daily pill on way for weight loss and lowering blood sugar

A new daily pill on way for weight loss and lowering blood sugar

22 Jun 05:00 PM
Inside Leigh Hart’s bonkers quest to hand-deliver a SnackaChangi chip to every Kiwi
sponsored

Inside Leigh Hart’s bonkers quest to hand-deliver a SnackaChangi chip to every Kiwi

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP