Kiwi comedian Lana Walters reveals it wasn't until her first pregnancy scan that she knew she had endometriosis. Photo / Woman's Day
Kiwi comedian Lana Walters reveals it wasn't until her first pregnancy scan that she knew she had endometriosis. Photo / Woman's Day
The last time Lana Walters did stand-up, she shared her hilarious encounters with Tinder dating. Now she’s preparing to regale audiences with stories of her life as a mother and as the owner of a high-achieving single ovary.
Understandably, Lana, who is best known for 7 Days, the New ZealandComedy Gala and Snort, tries to find a funny side to what was an incredibly scary journey of a growing bump inside her – not the pregnancy, but an ovarian cyst that threatened to burst before the comic made her way up the surgical waiting list.
“During pregnancy scans, I found out I had a large ovarian cyst along with endometriosis,” the 31-year-old tells. “They did blood tests and said it wasn’t cancerous. But I felt like I was walking around with a ticking time bomb.
Lana Walters is known for appearing on 7 Days. Photo / Supplied
“Every time I would get a scan, they’d tell me how big the baby was and I would say, ‘And how about the cyst?’”
Doctors couldn’t operate while she was pregnant and said to wait to see if it would burst. “Isn’t it great to be a woman?!” she jokes.
Lana’s fear that it would rupture when Sophie was born thankfully didn’t eventuate and, in July last year, she had the 11cm growth removed.
The comedian considers herself lucky – she had never had the trademark debilitating cramps that come with endometriosis, but she was shocked by the diagnosis at her eight-week pregnancy scan.
“I got on the wait list for surgery, which I know people wait a really long time on,” says the writer for The Project. “It wasn’t until Sophie was about nine months old, just after I returned to work, that I got the surgery.
“I had expected to stay in the hospital for two nights, but in my drugged-out sleep, I heard them talking about how they didn’t have any beds. My surgery had been at 8am and they were kicking me out at 10am!
“The nurse quickly informed me they had removed the cyst, endometriosis, one ovary and a fallopian tube. I was shocked – I knew it was a possibility, but this was worse-case scenario.”
She quips, “The remaining ovary pumps out twice the number of eggs – it’s like when a single mum has to do twice the work!”
Lana Walters with her partner Jules and daughter Sophie. Photo / Supplied
But the punchline was a kicker – one side effect can be early menopause, “just another phase of womanhood to look forward to”.
Lana is about to appear in the New Zealand Comedy Festival and her Big Mum Energy show will encapsulate the first year of parenthood, “starting with when we went to parenting classes, just the characters who we met there and mum guilt – and if there’s such a thing as dad guilt or do they get a free pass?
“I miss my baby so much when I’m at work. Do you look at photos and then feel worse or look at photos to connect with them?
“My mother-in-law will go to take a picture and I say, ‘No, no, no, I won’t be in it, just take her,’ because I feel like I look like shit. But I need to stop doing that and just take some pictures because I’ll probably think I look fantastic in 10 years.”
Her partner of five years, Jules, is incredible, she enthuses. “He works in a really stressful job and then he’ll come home to be with her while I’m doing a show or 7 Days. This generation of dads is really hands-on.
“We’re constantly worrying. Are we giving her enough fibre? She hasn’t eaten anything but grapes today.”
Despite the anxiety that all new parents can relate to, 19-month-old Sophie is well-adjusted and happy, and an avid book fan like her mum.
“We just cuddle up and read about 50 books in a row. She’s saying so many words. She’s gorgeous.
“She sings Twinkle Twinkle a lot. Or we put on Beyonce’s Renaissance and dance around the lounge.”
Sophie came along when Covid derailed the engaged couple’s plans to travel to Europe, where Lana was going to perform in the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
“We thought, ‘Well, we’re trapped in the country for a while, so let’s have a baby!’ We would like to have more kids. But I’ve been told that I could go through early menopause because of the cyst and endometriosis could spread back.”
